Hey There!

Yeah, I know.... it's been awhile!

Ok. A looooooooong while.

But I wanted you to know I'm still here... maybe not here here... but here. I'm still reading your blogs and everything but (obviously) haven't been posting anything.

I am however, continuing to lose weight. Which is the important thing. As I mentioned a few months ago, I came to the realization that I wasn't doing very well on my own. So I joined Weight Watchers and am having pretty good results.

To date, I'm down to 261.2 lbs! 

The month of July has been pretty rough, I'm not gonna lie. The transmission in my Mustang went out (long story, but it's essentially due to a smooth move on my husband's part) which is costing us $4000. Yes. 4K. FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS.

It happened 4th of July weekend, and it STILL makes me wanna hurl just talking about it.

Thankfully, we've managed to work things out, borrow from Peter, to pay Paul, then borrow from Jeff, Frank and Steve to pay the Ford Dealership. With any luck, we'll be back in the Stang-a-lang by the beginning of next week.

All the money woes + splitting a car w/ the hubby (who works a different shift) have made for a very panicky, cranky, and at times depressed girl.

I can't lie.....food has been an issue this month. It's my go-to BFF when I need comfort. I've strayed (more than) a couple times (*cough cough* last night *cough cough*). I've also been doing a pretty crappy job of tracking my meals the past two weeks.

My weigh in is Friday. I'm expecting to be up... but I'm ok. This is life. I'm going to have good days and bad days and good weeks and bad weeks. Just because I get down and make some bad choices, it doesn't make me a failure. Before, when something would happen and my routine got shaken up - I couldn't pull myself back together. I'm getting better at forgiving myself.

I've realized that it can't be fluffy bunnies and rainbows all the time. Life happens. Shit happens. Sometimes your routine and everything else just falls apart. I'm learning that you've got to deal with it and get back on track as soon as you can.

In other news...well, there isn't much other news. Work still sucks, laundry replicates like wet gremlins. I'm still blogging on weight watchers, but I'm going to try and update this more as well. I'm going to attempt to download the app for my phone, so maybe I can do more on the fly. 

I'll post more soon! (I promise!)

love ya!

Pity Party

For the past couple days, I've been feeling pretty crappy. It started Sunday, and even though it was a beautiful warm sunshiney day, I was right on the edge of  'blah'. Fortunately my hubby got me out of the house and out into the warm spring air, and I was ok most of the day.

Sunday night and Monday, I moved fully into blah-dom. No energy, no interest, no nothing. Then Monday afternoon I find out that I have been mysteriously cut from this Six Sigma greenbelt class I was supposed to start. As in, it started yesterday - and no one could be bothered to tell me I would not be participating. I had no idea it was even going on until someone mentioned someone else was in the class. As of a month ago, my name was on the list.

What gives???  This was going to add some serious brownie points to my resume!

So I sent my boss an email asking what happened, and I got completely ignored.

Freaking lovely. If for some reason I couldn't do my project this go 'round, could you not have the decency to tell me?! And when I find out, can you not have the balls to explain WTF happened???

I've been with this company for 10 yrs. I've been in this department for 5. Every review, I get told I am the backbone of the team, a major asset to the company, blah blah blah. But this is what I get? I handle projects far above my pay scale, I deal with issues that should be handled by senior staff..... but I am always passed by and over looked when the kudos and the job offers come around.

I am so sick of this. I've got to find something else.


....whew. That was much more of a rant than I was planning.

So back to the point, I've moved from merely 'blah' to full on depressed. I just want to hide under the covers with my cats and not face the outside world.

I took the day off today, because I really didn't know if I could go in and not tell someone where to stick it.

So I've moped around in my pj's for the entire day. I was calling it a "mental health day", but its really a good old fashioned Pity Party.

On a slightly more positive (and diet related) note, at least I am not feeding my face, as I would typically do during a pity party.

Last night as I was peeling out of work, my first thought was "I want ice cream". Followed quickly by "I could stop by Sonic, get some ice cream and some corn dogs"

Not too long ago, I probably would've done it.

But I stopped myself. I came home, and whether it was real hunger or emotional hunger - I wanted food. So I had a toasted sandwich thin with cucumbers, tomatoes, and hummus. An hour or so later, I was still wanting more, so I ate another of those hummus sandwiches.

My husband stopped by Wendy's on the way home, and I had a Single, no cheese and no mayo. Not the best thing for me, for sure.... but I stayed within my daily points range,

I feel like my weight may be up or about the same this week. While that sucks, I think it's because Shark Week is in full effect (which is also the likely cause for my mental status) and I've also had more sodium from processed foods than normal.

I think next week will be better.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Can I have some cheese with my whine?

What would happen?

It's Lent, and it's Friday, so you know what that means.... no meat. Jamey and I have decided to get a pizza tonight. I love pizza. I'm a total guy (even though I'm not). Pizza, hot wings, beer.... I'm a happy girl.

 But I digress.....

So we're getting pizza, which is obviously not the healthiest thing. So this completely alien thought sprang to mind, ".... what would happen if I asked for light cheese?"

What would happen???

Would they think it's a crank call and hang up?

Would the Earth shift off it's axis? The poles reverse?

Would it cause a rift in the time-space continuum, unleashing hordes of alien zombies onto the planet?

It's a gamble, I'm not going to lie..... so if you see any alien zombies.............well, I'm sorry.

In other news.

This week has had it's share of ups and downs, that's for sure. Wed and Thurs I was in an amazingly crappy mood, ready to bite someones head of at the slightest provocation. That irritability of course ratcheted up my urge to stuff my face something fierce... but I'm happy to announce that not only did I make good food choices and refrain from my post work snack fests, I also made it through Happy Hour yesterday! I did have couple drinks (which I had planned for) but in order to stay on plan, it needed to be one or the other. Given my state of mind, alcohol prevailed and I decided to forgo the hot wings, tortilla chips and spinach artichoke dip.

That's a pretty big victory for me. I love hot wings (see above). They smelled soooooo good. People were all around me smacking and licking the sauce off their fingers...... it was hard, and I'm not saying I'll beat the urge every time, but I did this time. And that's what matters.

My other big win this week? Down  2 lbs! 


I think next week is Shark Week (that 'time of the month' for those not familiar w/ the term) so who knows what's going to happen. Hopefully no one gets hurt, that's all I'm saying....

Day by day, meal by meal. Have a great weekend everyone!

Even though Monday was my official start date for Weight Watchers, I picked Friday as my weigh in day for strategic reasons (meaning, bad things typically happen on the weekend and I need as much recovery time as possible). So all that being said, I had my first official weigh in today and.....
*drumroll please*

I'm down 2.8lbs!

YAAAAAAAY!

So while I'm really happy about my loss, there are actually something I'm happier about (if you can imagine that).

On Wed and Thurs, I walked after work... as in purposeful exercise.

But even THAT is not why I'm feeling so good!

The after work munchies are my downfall. I seem to have no control whatsoever. Somehow or another, be the Grace of God or my own developing willpower (I'm placing my bets on the former) I'm doing SO MUCH better with my afternoon binges.

Wed and Thurs I ate a banana when i got home from my walk - and that's ALL I had till dinner. Tonight I had a banana and a yogurt (I was really hungry). Even though I'm still hungry, I'm actually waiting till dinner (which should be very shortly) instead of mindlessly and uncontrollably eating, then having essentially a 2nd dinner.

I have struggled with this for sooooooooo long. I know I'm not out of the woods yet... it's so easy to fall back into those destructive patterns, but now I think I know I can get past it. It's so motivating, so encouraging to be in control of this!


Other than those victories, I know I've got a lot of potential for disaster this weekend.... a "Breakfast with the Pastor" on Sunday..... who knows what kind of options will be available there. Then there's the general going out to eat/business of life that happens on the weekends. And my husband and I aren't real great at telling each other "No", so if I tell him I'm dying for ice cream - we'll be at Cold Stone within the hour.

Feeling pretty good so far - glad I decided to jump back on the WW bandwagon instead of trying to go it alone!

Have a great night and a fabulous weekend!

Giving In

First of all - I'm down another another 2lbs - Yay! The first week of really being at this I dropped 4lbs real quick, then gained about 2lbs back over the next 2 weeks (which may have been some bloating/PMS type stuff) and now I'm heading back in the right direction! 284.4, so a total of 6lbs so far! I'm ready sooo to be out of these 280's.

Now about yesterday. I'm not counting yesterday as a failure, I had a bad meal... not a bad day. Hectic day, lots of running around, stress, etc. Story of everyone's life, eh?

So for breakfast/lunch I had a plain grilled chicken sandwich from Bojangles and a side of their Cajun Pintos.

 





I took pics, then somehow messed up and deleted them... whoops.




The pintos were good. The chicken sandwich? Like a wet paper towel on a mushy flavorless bun. I ate it because I was hungry, and it was the healthiest option. Even with hot sauce, it tasted like a hot wet paper towel.
Next time at Bojangles I'll do pintos, plain mashed potatoes, and green beans or something. Lesson learned.

When we finally got around to dinner we were starving and I wanted something GOOD.  We ended up going to Logan's Steakhouse. I got an 11oz sirloin, baked potato w/ butter and sour cream, and a salad w/ blue cheese dressing. And I ate 1 1/2 yeast rolls.

I'm not counting this as a failure because
a) I hadn't eaten much all day
b) I have been craving a steakhouse meal for a long while. I had one, I enjoyed it, and it's over. It will be awhile before I have one again.
c) I left some on my plate. I left some salad, I didn't use as much dressing, I didn't get the "loaded" baked   potato, and I left about 2-3 oz of steak on my plate.


So it was a bad meal - not a bad day. I satisfied a craving. And I'm ok with it.

 

I tried to take a pic at the restaurant, but the flash was so bright it lit up the entire table and made me feel like a total dork....

Today I'm going to focus on making some better decisions and finally make it to the grocery store. Dinner tonight? Tortellini Soup!

Obviously, I haven't been so great about journaling what I've eaten. I sat down to write a blog post last night, and I couldn't bring myself to type the random gibberish in my mind. Not that today is much better, mind you. But here it goes anyway....

So lets start w/ last Saturday. I did pretty well till we got to Intermezzo. I had 2 martinis, split an order of garlic bread w/ my husband, and ate most of a 10" margherita pizza. I wasn't as bad as I wanted to be. I didn't order the creamy sweet martinis (although I heard the Key Lime Pie martini was outstanding. Not to mention the Mint Choc Chip). I ate most of a thin crust vegetarian pizza, and while I could have wolfed the whole thing down with no problem, I did leave 2 slices. The garlic stick was probably a bad idea, but it just smelled SO awesome, I couldn't resist.

I did my grocery shopping on Sunday, and Monday we got snowed in. I gotta say, I loved it. I lazed around the house and did basically nothing for an entire 2.5 days, and was pretty much at peace with that. I have to say, even though I did basically nothing, I don't feel like I binged all that much. We had healthy food in the house, so I ate oranges and pretzels and special K cereal. I made some pretty tasty diet friendly meals for dinner (the Chicken Tortilla soup was awesome! recipe to follow). 

By Tuesday night, I think cabin fever was beginning to set in a bit, and I was craving something cakey. I had a box of peanut butter brownie mix in the pantry that had been calling my name for some time, so I figured I'd go ahead and get it over with. The brownies were good, I ate my fill, and now they are gone.  The End.

Yesterday I had the dreaded Dr appt at the Cancer Center. Thankfully it wasn't too traumatic. Keep on the progesterone, go for another DNC (ugh!) in a few months, and hopefully I'll be pregnant by the end of the year (that last bit should strike fear in the hearts of millions).

For breakfast afterwards we stopped by Einstein Bros Bagels. I ordered the "everything" thin-bagel, with low fat cream cheese, and a fruit cup. I got the regular sized bagel - and still ate it. Should've taken it back, but I didn't.

Met my hubby for lunch later that day - had the marinated grilled chicken strips (that came over rice pilaf), the spinach with rice, and the bean  soup. Again, should have gotten it without the pilaf. But I didn't. I think the spinach w/ rice was ok, because it was mainly spinach.

Munched on some hummus and pretzels, an orange, and a FF pudding cup, and had a small bowl of Special K w/ bananas for dinner.

Today, I'm back at work and things are back to normal. Cereal and a banana for breakfast, lean cuisine sammich w/ some sunchips and a pudding cup for lunch, and I'll have a yogurt and an orange for a snack in a bit.

Dinner tonight is going old school southern...... pinto beans and collards. I'm going to forgo the cornbread - although I'd loooove to crumble it up in my beans.

Don't judge.


Now I'm trying to plan next week's menu. Here's what I've got so far:

• low fat baked macaroni and cheese w/ diced ham and a side salad
• grilled cheese w/ tomato soup
• crockpot chicken tacos
• low fat cheeseburgers w/ oven fries

So that takes care of my cheesy pasta craving, and my hubby's french fry craving.

Oh, did I mention I lost 4.5lbs? No? Silly me!

I LOST 4.5 LBS!

so, yeah - go me! Hopefully weigh in this Monday will be a reason to celebrate too!

Next up, need to start thinking rewards!