Hey There!

Yeah, I know.... it's been awhile!

Ok. A looooooooong while.

But I wanted you to know I'm still here... maybe not here here... but here. I'm still reading your blogs and everything but (obviously) haven't been posting anything.

I am however, continuing to lose weight. Which is the important thing. As I mentioned a few months ago, I came to the realization that I wasn't doing very well on my own. So I joined Weight Watchers and am having pretty good results.

To date, I'm down to 261.2 lbs! 

The month of July has been pretty rough, I'm not gonna lie. The transmission in my Mustang went out (long story, but it's essentially due to a smooth move on my husband's part) which is costing us $4000. Yes. 4K. FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS.

It happened 4th of July weekend, and it STILL makes me wanna hurl just talking about it.

Thankfully, we've managed to work things out, borrow from Peter, to pay Paul, then borrow from Jeff, Frank and Steve to pay the Ford Dealership. With any luck, we'll be back in the Stang-a-lang by the beginning of next week.

All the money woes + splitting a car w/ the hubby (who works a different shift) have made for a very panicky, cranky, and at times depressed girl.

I can't lie.....food has been an issue this month. It's my go-to BFF when I need comfort. I've strayed (more than) a couple times (*cough cough* last night *cough cough*). I've also been doing a pretty crappy job of tracking my meals the past two weeks.

My weigh in is Friday. I'm expecting to be up... but I'm ok. This is life. I'm going to have good days and bad days and good weeks and bad weeks. Just because I get down and make some bad choices, it doesn't make me a failure. Before, when something would happen and my routine got shaken up - I couldn't pull myself back together. I'm getting better at forgiving myself.

I've realized that it can't be fluffy bunnies and rainbows all the time. Life happens. Shit happens. Sometimes your routine and everything else just falls apart. I'm learning that you've got to deal with it and get back on track as soon as you can.

In other news...well, there isn't much other news. Work still sucks, laundry replicates like wet gremlins. I'm still blogging on weight watchers, but I'm going to try and update this more as well. I'm going to attempt to download the app for my phone, so maybe I can do more on the fly. 

I'll post more soon! (I promise!)

love ya!

Pity Party

For the past couple days, I've been feeling pretty crappy. It started Sunday, and even though it was a beautiful warm sunshiney day, I was right on the edge of  'blah'. Fortunately my hubby got me out of the house and out into the warm spring air, and I was ok most of the day.

Sunday night and Monday, I moved fully into blah-dom. No energy, no interest, no nothing. Then Monday afternoon I find out that I have been mysteriously cut from this Six Sigma greenbelt class I was supposed to start. As in, it started yesterday - and no one could be bothered to tell me I would not be participating. I had no idea it was even going on until someone mentioned someone else was in the class. As of a month ago, my name was on the list.

What gives???  This was going to add some serious brownie points to my resume!

So I sent my boss an email asking what happened, and I got completely ignored.

Freaking lovely. If for some reason I couldn't do my project this go 'round, could you not have the decency to tell me?! And when I find out, can you not have the balls to explain WTF happened???

I've been with this company for 10 yrs. I've been in this department for 5. Every review, I get told I am the backbone of the team, a major asset to the company, blah blah blah. But this is what I get? I handle projects far above my pay scale, I deal with issues that should be handled by senior staff..... but I am always passed by and over looked when the kudos and the job offers come around.

I am so sick of this. I've got to find something else.


....whew. That was much more of a rant than I was planning.

So back to the point, I've moved from merely 'blah' to full on depressed. I just want to hide under the covers with my cats and not face the outside world.

I took the day off today, because I really didn't know if I could go in and not tell someone where to stick it.

So I've moped around in my pj's for the entire day. I was calling it a "mental health day", but its really a good old fashioned Pity Party.

On a slightly more positive (and diet related) note, at least I am not feeding my face, as I would typically do during a pity party.

Last night as I was peeling out of work, my first thought was "I want ice cream". Followed quickly by "I could stop by Sonic, get some ice cream and some corn dogs"

Not too long ago, I probably would've done it.

But I stopped myself. I came home, and whether it was real hunger or emotional hunger - I wanted food. So I had a toasted sandwich thin with cucumbers, tomatoes, and hummus. An hour or so later, I was still wanting more, so I ate another of those hummus sandwiches.

My husband stopped by Wendy's on the way home, and I had a Single, no cheese and no mayo. Not the best thing for me, for sure.... but I stayed within my daily points range,

I feel like my weight may be up or about the same this week. While that sucks, I think it's because Shark Week is in full effect (which is also the likely cause for my mental status) and I've also had more sodium from processed foods than normal.

I think next week will be better.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Can I have some cheese with my whine?

Even though Monday was my official start date for Weight Watchers, I picked Friday as my weigh in day for strategic reasons (meaning, bad things typically happen on the weekend and I need as much recovery time as possible). So all that being said, I had my first official weigh in today and.....
*drumroll please*

I'm down 2.8lbs!

YAAAAAAAY!

So while I'm really happy about my loss, there are actually something I'm happier about (if you can imagine that).

On Wed and Thurs, I walked after work... as in purposeful exercise.

But even THAT is not why I'm feeling so good!

The after work munchies are my downfall. I seem to have no control whatsoever. Somehow or another, be the Grace of God or my own developing willpower (I'm placing my bets on the former) I'm doing SO MUCH better with my afternoon binges.

Wed and Thurs I ate a banana when i got home from my walk - and that's ALL I had till dinner. Tonight I had a banana and a yogurt (I was really hungry). Even though I'm still hungry, I'm actually waiting till dinner (which should be very shortly) instead of mindlessly and uncontrollably eating, then having essentially a 2nd dinner.

I have struggled with this for sooooooooo long. I know I'm not out of the woods yet... it's so easy to fall back into those destructive patterns, but now I think I know I can get past it. It's so motivating, so encouraging to be in control of this!


Other than those victories, I know I've got a lot of potential for disaster this weekend.... a "Breakfast with the Pastor" on Sunday..... who knows what kind of options will be available there. Then there's the general going out to eat/business of life that happens on the weekends. And my husband and I aren't real great at telling each other "No", so if I tell him I'm dying for ice cream - we'll be at Cold Stone within the hour.

Feeling pretty good so far - glad I decided to jump back on the WW bandwagon instead of trying to go it alone!

Have a great night and a fabulous weekend!

I've made it through a whopping 4 days being On Point. So far it's been fairly easy - but isn't it always in the beginning?

Lately, my breakfast has been either an ww english muffin or a bagel thin w/ a Tbsp of peanut butter or some LC cheese (I love that stuff!), and a banana.

Lunch has been turkey on a ww sandwich thin w/ hummus instead of mayo, and a soup at hand. Today I had a leftover cheeseburger from dinner last night (95% lean ground beef, sandwich thin, LF american cheese) and a side salad.

Dinner is kind of all over the place - the cheeseburgers and baked fries last night, dijon chicken breasts w/ mashed potatoes and green beans before that, and chicken breasts marinated in some mexican spices w/ rice and broccoli the night before that. Tonight my husband is supposed to pick up dinner... so not sure what I'll have. But I saved a bunch of points so I wouldn't be so limited..... and

................and...................................
I've got out walking for 30 minutes for 2 nights in a row! I know! Me! Who'd a thunk it?!

Tomorrow is my weigh in day, I'm kind of nervous/excited about what the scale will show. Hopefully good things!

I've also been pretty good w/ drinking my water. Which leads me to some observations.

#1 always pee before you go anywhere. in fact, if you stand up for whatever reason, just go ahead and head to the bathroom. You may not have to go right then, but you will by the time you get there.
     1a) If you are going to be leaving to go anywhere not accessible to a bathroom, then go make double sure you go beforehand. Then wait 5 minutes and go again.

#2  Be mindful of your fiber intake. Any type of fiber one/fiber plus bars should be consumed in the latter part of the day. This is a public service announcement, and failure to do so may cause irreparable damage to your career, your psyche, and the psyche of those around you.

So, uh.... hey there. I know it's been a while............

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. Well... maybe I kinda sorta did. The diet/weight loss earth anyway. I can list all the reasons... but really, they aren't reasons. They're excuses.

I realized I can't do this by myself. I can't just make this blanket "I'm going to eat healthy and lose weight" statement and *wham* I'm losing weight. I need portion control. I need to really pay attention to what I'm doing. I need someone or something saying when I've had enough. Otherwise, I'm just spinning my wheels.

So I broke down and (re)joined Weight Watchers. It's a good program, it's recommended by Dr's, and it worked for me in the past. I let my desire for instant results get the best of me, I became apathetic and stopped counting and tracking, and that's when it stopped working.

Yep, I'm counting points again. Not my favorite thing, but it is effective. Monday was my first official day, and I will weigh in on Friday. I'm just doing it online for now, I'd like to do meetings, but the meetings/e-tools combo is just too expensive for me, and if I have to pick one,  I'd rather have instant access to all the points values and trackers.

This time around, the program is a little different. Points values are calculated based on Fat, Protein, Carbs, and Fiber. Generally, points values on foods are a bit higher - but the majority of fruits and veggies are "0" so you're free to eat those ad nauseum. To compensate, they've done some other advanced calculations involving the position of the Moon when in the house of Aries and so forth, and you have more Daily Points and more Weekly Points to spend.... so it all balances out. I'm still trying to get used to it, and trying to figure out what my "go-to" foods/meals are going to be.

Still haven't gotten around much to that dreaded "E" Word. I told myself I was going to take a walk after work today, but then ended up running by the grocery store, and then it was about dark by the time I got home, and then my sofa started calling my name...... all excuses, I know.

For now I'm going to focus on tracking and staying "On Point", The rest will come, and sooner rather than later.

On a side note, tried the new Fiber Plus flavor "Coconut Carmel Fudge". Let me just say - Y U M! It tastes kind of like a Samoa GS cookie! I mean, no it's not as good - few things this side of the Pearly Gates are, but it's pretty freakin tasty!

BTW, part of the reason I stopped blogging so much is they changed the Internet access at work, so I can't get on to a lot of my favorite blogs and sites. Bastards! How dare you make me work at work!

When I get home, I tend to not want to look at the computer as much - but I'm going to try and be better about updating.

Carla - thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to check up on me! You have no idea how much it means to me that you thought of me!