Hey There!

Yeah, I know.... it's been awhile!

Ok. A looooooooong while.

But I wanted you to know I'm still here... maybe not here here... but here. I'm still reading your blogs and everything but (obviously) haven't been posting anything.

I am however, continuing to lose weight. Which is the important thing. As I mentioned a few months ago, I came to the realization that I wasn't doing very well on my own. So I joined Weight Watchers and am having pretty good results.

To date, I'm down to 261.2 lbs! 

The month of July has been pretty rough, I'm not gonna lie. The transmission in my Mustang went out (long story, but it's essentially due to a smooth move on my husband's part) which is costing us $4000. Yes. 4K. FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS.

It happened 4th of July weekend, and it STILL makes me wanna hurl just talking about it.

Thankfully, we've managed to work things out, borrow from Peter, to pay Paul, then borrow from Jeff, Frank and Steve to pay the Ford Dealership. With any luck, we'll be back in the Stang-a-lang by the beginning of next week.

All the money woes + splitting a car w/ the hubby (who works a different shift) have made for a very panicky, cranky, and at times depressed girl.

I can't lie.....food has been an issue this month. It's my go-to BFF when I need comfort. I've strayed (more than) a couple times (*cough cough* last night *cough cough*). I've also been doing a pretty crappy job of tracking my meals the past two weeks.

My weigh in is Friday. I'm expecting to be up... but I'm ok. This is life. I'm going to have good days and bad days and good weeks and bad weeks. Just because I get down and make some bad choices, it doesn't make me a failure. Before, when something would happen and my routine got shaken up - I couldn't pull myself back together. I'm getting better at forgiving myself.

I've realized that it can't be fluffy bunnies and rainbows all the time. Life happens. Shit happens. Sometimes your routine and everything else just falls apart. I'm learning that you've got to deal with it and get back on track as soon as you can.

In other news...well, there isn't much other news. Work still sucks, laundry replicates like wet gremlins. I'm still blogging on weight watchers, but I'm going to try and update this more as well. I'm going to attempt to download the app for my phone, so maybe I can do more on the fly. 

I'll post more soon! (I promise!)

love ya!

Pity Party

For the past couple days, I've been feeling pretty crappy. It started Sunday, and even though it was a beautiful warm sunshiney day, I was right on the edge of  'blah'. Fortunately my hubby got me out of the house and out into the warm spring air, and I was ok most of the day.

Sunday night and Monday, I moved fully into blah-dom. No energy, no interest, no nothing. Then Monday afternoon I find out that I have been mysteriously cut from this Six Sigma greenbelt class I was supposed to start. As in, it started yesterday - and no one could be bothered to tell me I would not be participating. I had no idea it was even going on until someone mentioned someone else was in the class. As of a month ago, my name was on the list.

What gives???  This was going to add some serious brownie points to my resume!

So I sent my boss an email asking what happened, and I got completely ignored.

Freaking lovely. If for some reason I couldn't do my project this go 'round, could you not have the decency to tell me?! And when I find out, can you not have the balls to explain WTF happened???

I've been with this company for 10 yrs. I've been in this department for 5. Every review, I get told I am the backbone of the team, a major asset to the company, blah blah blah. But this is what I get? I handle projects far above my pay scale, I deal with issues that should be handled by senior staff..... but I am always passed by and over looked when the kudos and the job offers come around.

I am so sick of this. I've got to find something else.


....whew. That was much more of a rant than I was planning.

So back to the point, I've moved from merely 'blah' to full on depressed. I just want to hide under the covers with my cats and not face the outside world.

I took the day off today, because I really didn't know if I could go in and not tell someone where to stick it.

So I've moped around in my pj's for the entire day. I was calling it a "mental health day", but its really a good old fashioned Pity Party.

On a slightly more positive (and diet related) note, at least I am not feeding my face, as I would typically do during a pity party.

Last night as I was peeling out of work, my first thought was "I want ice cream". Followed quickly by "I could stop by Sonic, get some ice cream and some corn dogs"

Not too long ago, I probably would've done it.

But I stopped myself. I came home, and whether it was real hunger or emotional hunger - I wanted food. So I had a toasted sandwich thin with cucumbers, tomatoes, and hummus. An hour or so later, I was still wanting more, so I ate another of those hummus sandwiches.

My husband stopped by Wendy's on the way home, and I had a Single, no cheese and no mayo. Not the best thing for me, for sure.... but I stayed within my daily points range,

I feel like my weight may be up or about the same this week. While that sucks, I think it's because Shark Week is in full effect (which is also the likely cause for my mental status) and I've also had more sodium from processed foods than normal.

I think next week will be better.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Can I have some cheese with my whine?

What would happen?

It's Lent, and it's Friday, so you know what that means.... no meat. Jamey and I have decided to get a pizza tonight. I love pizza. I'm a total guy (even though I'm not). Pizza, hot wings, beer.... I'm a happy girl.

 But I digress.....

So we're getting pizza, which is obviously not the healthiest thing. So this completely alien thought sprang to mind, ".... what would happen if I asked for light cheese?"

What would happen???

Would they think it's a crank call and hang up?

Would the Earth shift off it's axis? The poles reverse?

Would it cause a rift in the time-space continuum, unleashing hordes of alien zombies onto the planet?

It's a gamble, I'm not going to lie..... so if you see any alien zombies.............well, I'm sorry.

In other news.

This week has had it's share of ups and downs, that's for sure. Wed and Thurs I was in an amazingly crappy mood, ready to bite someones head of at the slightest provocation. That irritability of course ratcheted up my urge to stuff my face something fierce... but I'm happy to announce that not only did I make good food choices and refrain from my post work snack fests, I also made it through Happy Hour yesterday! I did have couple drinks (which I had planned for) but in order to stay on plan, it needed to be one or the other. Given my state of mind, alcohol prevailed and I decided to forgo the hot wings, tortilla chips and spinach artichoke dip.

That's a pretty big victory for me. I love hot wings (see above). They smelled soooooo good. People were all around me smacking and licking the sauce off their fingers...... it was hard, and I'm not saying I'll beat the urge every time, but I did this time. And that's what matters.

My other big win this week? Down  2 lbs! 


I think next week is Shark Week (that 'time of the month' for those not familiar w/ the term) so who knows what's going to happen. Hopefully no one gets hurt, that's all I'm saying....

Day by day, meal by meal. Have a great weekend everyone!

Even though Monday was my official start date for Weight Watchers, I picked Friday as my weigh in day for strategic reasons (meaning, bad things typically happen on the weekend and I need as much recovery time as possible). So all that being said, I had my first official weigh in today and.....
*drumroll please*

I'm down 2.8lbs!

YAAAAAAAY!

So while I'm really happy about my loss, there are actually something I'm happier about (if you can imagine that).

On Wed and Thurs, I walked after work... as in purposeful exercise.

But even THAT is not why I'm feeling so good!

The after work munchies are my downfall. I seem to have no control whatsoever. Somehow or another, be the Grace of God or my own developing willpower (I'm placing my bets on the former) I'm doing SO MUCH better with my afternoon binges.

Wed and Thurs I ate a banana when i got home from my walk - and that's ALL I had till dinner. Tonight I had a banana and a yogurt (I was really hungry). Even though I'm still hungry, I'm actually waiting till dinner (which should be very shortly) instead of mindlessly and uncontrollably eating, then having essentially a 2nd dinner.

I have struggled with this for sooooooooo long. I know I'm not out of the woods yet... it's so easy to fall back into those destructive patterns, but now I think I know I can get past it. It's so motivating, so encouraging to be in control of this!


Other than those victories, I know I've got a lot of potential for disaster this weekend.... a "Breakfast with the Pastor" on Sunday..... who knows what kind of options will be available there. Then there's the general going out to eat/business of life that happens on the weekends. And my husband and I aren't real great at telling each other "No", so if I tell him I'm dying for ice cream - we'll be at Cold Stone within the hour.

Feeling pretty good so far - glad I decided to jump back on the WW bandwagon instead of trying to go it alone!

Have a great night and a fabulous weekend!

UGH

Today I could feasibly beat someone to death with a tape dispenser. Know what I'm saying? It's Monday, it's that time of the month, the computers at work are acting up, my boss is asking me to do stupid crap... people's very breath is annoying me. There's really no shortage to the list. I don't know what has set me off..... but man, watch out!

Aside from being generally annoyed, I'm a little disappointed in myself, too. This weekend was pretty bad. I didn't feel good, and basically let that give me permission to eat whatever I wanted.

I've been pretty lax in taking pictures of what I've eaten, too. Here's a recap of the past couple days....
Wednesday:

 

Not so bad...

Not so bad. Notice 1/2 the baked potato...eh? eh??? 

Choc Milk for dessert... I was still hungry.

Thursday:

there's that other 1/2 baked potato and leftover pork chop (baked, not fried!)

bagel thin w/ RF cream cheese when I got home...

uh oh.... carry out! Spicy Thai Basil Chicken. Didn't eat it all though!

Friday (here's where we start going downhill....)

 

a bowl of chili and 3 hot wings.


and cake......

but it's made better by lowfat yogurt later, right?

Dinner Friday? Leftover chili......

Feeling like crap Friday night... lowfat hot choc, Ibuprofen PM, and a heating pad makes it all better....



Saturday:

mid-day snack, and doing ok so far...

uh oh. How did we end up at a Mexican restaurant??? Those chips! That cheese!

Did I mention the cheese??? 

Due to some issues, we ended up getting a free order of Queso. Which is EXACTLY what I needed. *sigh*

 

 *Not actually my fajitas. My fajitas had chorizo and cheese on them.

I'd talk about being proud I didn't eat all of it, but truth be told I couldn't because I had just stuffed my face w/ cheese dip. :/

Super Bowl Sunday:

 oh goody, leftover chili again....

and since it's the Super Bowl - you have to eat the appropriate food, right?

Domino's deep dish pepperoni and mushroom pizza.... (4 slices, I believe)

 and a Chocolate Lava Crunch Cake.

So, I put my sins before you.... admonish at will..........

I know ya'll are too nice. You'll tell me to get back on the wagon. And I have. I've done well today, I took a quick 10 minute walk earlier to get my head back on straight, and I plan on trying to get a little bit of the "E" word in tonight between laundry and house cleaning.

I was feeling crampy and yucky and generally sorry for myself, and I comforted myself as I knew how. I can't say it won't happen again, but I'll try to deal with it better next time.

So here's what I've had today:

Cinnamon Raisin Bagel Thin w/ Promise Spread



A bowl of Fiber One Raisin Bran Crunch + 1% milk for lunch. I'm sure it was more like 2 or 3 servings instead of 1... but it's lunch and hopefully it will keep me full for awhile.

oh yeah, and an orange. BTW. I'm getting sick of peeling oranges. I want someone to peel my oranges for me.



*Update*

I told my husband to get rid of the leftover pizza. Of course, there it sat in the fridge when I got home - waiting for me like a venomous spider.

Is it some kind of internal self -loathing that had a piece in my hand before I even knew it? It wasn't even all that good! But I kept eating it - even while I was thinking What the F@#*! am I doing?!

I threw the rest out, and in the grand scheme of things 1 piece isn't that bad.... but I'm disappointed in myself.

Evil, thy name is cheese. .......or pepperoni. Definitley one of the two.

Anyway, had a decent dinner:

Cheeseburgers and fries - with 96% lean beef, RF cheese, and oven fries. 

and a pudding cup



The "E" Word

*sigh*
Exercise.

There. I said it. Are you happy? Now I feel like I need to take a nap. The problem is that I know I need to do it.

But.....exercise makes me tired... and sweaty....

and did I mention I jiggle?

It's so not cute.

Here's a secret. I have access to two (2) gyms. We have a gym at work - totally free, with a trainer and classes and everything, and I actually belong to a gym. 

As in I pay money.

And I haven't been in close to a year.


Yeah. I know, believe me.... I know.


Well, last night I actually went to the 'Exercise TV' On-Demand station, and scrolled through the rather extensive listings, and started watching some Billy Blanks Hip Hop Cardio thing.

Then I took a nap.


I kid!  I kid!

I stood there, realized this may be a little *ahem* advanced for me... so instead of going back to the regular scheduled programming, I kept scrolling and found a Zumba workout video.

AND I DID IT!

Granted, it was only like 6 minutes - kind of a teaser video. But it got my heart rate up, and breathing hard. When it was over, I tried a couple other videos that I didn't really care for. After a bit, I gave up - but then I ran up and down the stairs a couple times!

ON PURPOSE!

It was only like 15 minutes, and I know that's small potatoes from where I need to be - but it's a definite step in the right direction!

Now I gotta ask the question. Does anyone else ever feel.... weird.... doing these videos in the house by themselves?

I felt like my cats are looking at me and judging me.

Ok, I KNOW they were looking at me and judging me. I could read the surprise, concern, and even a little fear in their furry little faces.

But they lick their butt - so really, who are they to judge?

I guess I just need to get over it, right? If I look like a total moron, it's just me - so why should I care? I shouldn't be embarrassed in front of myself.... right? 

So I'm planning on giving this another shot tonight. If I can preselect a couple videos, then do a few laps on the stairs, maybe I can do a continuous 30 min or so.

Onward and Upward... or Downward..... or...... yeah, something like that.

The Soup

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Work was crazy busy, so it went by fast (which is always a good thing). Unfortunately, I didn't bring my lunch and didn't have time to run out, so I ended up in our Cafeteria downstairs.

Yuck.

Lunch was broccoli, (I'm not sure what they did to it. Roasted maybe? It was ok..... ish)
and then there was the squash/zucchini/tomato... stuff. It was weird. It was ok.....
.....ish.

I also had a Carmel Nut Blast Balance Bar. It was pretty good - kind of like a Snickers, but not as good. But it has less fat and calories, more protein and fiber. It felt like a candy bar. I'd eat it again.

I managed to refrain from snacking the rest of the day (thanks to being so busy), and by the time I left work and finished the grocery shopping, I was pretty famished. (BTW - bad for the wallet when you're hungry. I also had to move away from the strawberry and pineapple samples as people were starting to look at me funny).

  The hubby was going to be pretty late coming home, so I ate a small snack to tide me over, then went ahead and made dinner. 

Ah, dinner.
The Tortellini Soup.

It was good.

First of all, I should learn to follow directions a little better. The recipe calls for 9oz of "Fresh or Frozen" tortellini. I totally blew past that, and dumped in 3/4 of a 12oz bag of dried tortellini.

Holy Tortellini Overload, Batman!
And of course the dried pasta absorbs so much more liquid, so I was adding more chicken stock and water to make it come out right... it was touch and go for awhile!

BUT... extra tortellini aside, the soup was Muy Bueno! I also added a shredded chicken breast - which was good but it totally didn't need.

Because I wanted just a touch of heat, I added about 1/2 teaspoon of crushed red pepper flakes. I also used the canned diced tomatoes instead of whole tomatoes, because that's what I had. I think the bigger chunks of tomato would have been great - but that's totally a chunk preference. (ewww?)

The moral of the story is, the soup is pretty hard to mess up. It would be good w/ some italian turkey sausage, with mushrooms, more tomatoes....

so, here's the link to the recipe. It's quick, tasty, and idiot proof.

and 'scuse my crappy photography. green bowl, dim light, camera phone = funky pictures. Lucky for you I have leftovers for lunch! ;0)

I actually had 2 bowls of this stuff - plus the garlic toast I made using the sandwich thins, 1Tbsp light butter, and garlic powder.

For dessert, approx 1/4 cup of semi sweet choc chips...

And, that's it! My day in food. The good, the bad.... and the "ish".