Feel like I did pretty well on eating yesterday...

did I mention these sweet potatoes were really good?

portioned out my 14 baked tortilla chips, was wanting more, so ate some celery w/ the hummus

roasted chicken (from the grocery store. I just had the breast and took the skin off. The potatoes are called "Crash" potatoes - basically you boil a potato till you can stick a fork in it. Then you spray a cooking sheet w/ Pam, put the potato on the sheet and use the bottom of a glass to crush it. Then you drizzle a little olive oil on it, spring S+P, and bake it at 450 for like 20 min. It was ok - I used red potatoes, and the skin was nice and crispy, but overall it was kind of bland.

the broccoli is just regular Steamfresh Broccoli w/ lowfat cheese sauce from the freezer section. It was a quick easy meal - but just ok.

After dinner I was craving something sweet, so I had a handful of marshmellows. 

The Soup

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Work was crazy busy, so it went by fast (which is always a good thing). Unfortunately, I didn't bring my lunch and didn't have time to run out, so I ended up in our Cafeteria downstairs.

Yuck.

Lunch was broccoli, (I'm not sure what they did to it. Roasted maybe? It was ok..... ish)
and then there was the squash/zucchini/tomato... stuff. It was weird. It was ok.....
.....ish.

I also had a Carmel Nut Blast Balance Bar. It was pretty good - kind of like a Snickers, but not as good. But it has less fat and calories, more protein and fiber. It felt like a candy bar. I'd eat it again.

I managed to refrain from snacking the rest of the day (thanks to being so busy), and by the time I left work and finished the grocery shopping, I was pretty famished. (BTW - bad for the wallet when you're hungry. I also had to move away from the strawberry and pineapple samples as people were starting to look at me funny).

  The hubby was going to be pretty late coming home, so I ate a small snack to tide me over, then went ahead and made dinner. 

Ah, dinner.
The Tortellini Soup.

It was good.

First of all, I should learn to follow directions a little better. The recipe calls for 9oz of "Fresh or Frozen" tortellini. I totally blew past that, and dumped in 3/4 of a 12oz bag of dried tortellini.

Holy Tortellini Overload, Batman!
And of course the dried pasta absorbs so much more liquid, so I was adding more chicken stock and water to make it come out right... it was touch and go for awhile!

BUT... extra tortellini aside, the soup was Muy Bueno! I also added a shredded chicken breast - which was good but it totally didn't need.

Because I wanted just a touch of heat, I added about 1/2 teaspoon of crushed red pepper flakes. I also used the canned diced tomatoes instead of whole tomatoes, because that's what I had. I think the bigger chunks of tomato would have been great - but that's totally a chunk preference. (ewww?)

The moral of the story is, the soup is pretty hard to mess up. It would be good w/ some italian turkey sausage, with mushrooms, more tomatoes....

so, here's the link to the recipe. It's quick, tasty, and idiot proof.

and 'scuse my crappy photography. green bowl, dim light, camera phone = funky pictures. Lucky for you I have leftovers for lunch! ;0)

I actually had 2 bowls of this stuff - plus the garlic toast I made using the sandwich thins, 1Tbsp light butter, and garlic powder.

For dessert, approx 1/4 cup of semi sweet choc chips...

And, that's it! My day in food. The good, the bad.... and the "ish".

Cosmic Humor

As is usually the case, I was running late this morning. I didn't have anything quick to grab for breakfast. No fruit, no yogurt... nothing. (I did manage to grab a Lean Cuisine pizza and a pudding cup for lunch, thank goodness)

Of course, I get to work and I'm starving.

So I scrounge around in my desk drawer and find some blah oatmeal. At least it's warm, right? No taste at all is better than a bad taste, right?

Then, inspiration hits. I have a little bag of mulling spice that I brought to put in tea. It's got all kinds of flavors like cinnamon, cloves, cardamom, and orange. It does have some sugar in it, but I won't use much.... Perfect! I'm actually pretty stoked about my "mulled" oatmeal!

So I've got it in the microwave, and it's smelling all yummy, and my tummy is rumbly.... and someone comes into the breakroom, and I have a brief conversation..... and as I turn to check my oatmeal, I find it has erupted in a hot beige magma-like flow all over the freakin' microwave.

Fab - u - lous.

So I cleaned out the microwave in front of many an amused co-worker, and as I had no oatmeal left, I have made do w/ crap coffee for breakfast.

But the oatmeal I secretly licked off my finger tasted pretty good..... *sigh*

Speaking of beige foods, a co-worker brought in some home made hummus yesterday.... it was really good, and my love of hummus is great -so I thought it would be cool to make my own. I'd love to put some extra Kalmata Olives in, and play w/ different spices and such. The ingredient list is really simple: canned chickpeas, garlic, olive oil, tahini paste. After I finally found the tahini paste (by the peanut butter. I figured it would be with the international foods. Silly me.) It was $10 for a smallish jar! So now I'm trying to use my meager math skills to figure out if I'm actually saving anything. (Do you smell smoke?)

So, more to come on that later.

(Random aside: Dear co-worker with the 25lb bag of peanut M&M's. If I have to hear that bag rattle one more time, knowing the cruchy-chocolatey goodness it contains, I will be forced to snatch the bag from your hand and beat you mercilessly with it. XOXO)

Dinner tonight, spaghetti. Whole wheat pasta, veggies, and some lean ground beef. Nothing exciting, but cheap. Yaaaay Cheap!

However, I have found a recipe for Tortellini Soup that looks pretty yummy... and while Tortellini aren't so good for you, I think the amount of actual 'llini's you'd be getting is far less than if you had it as a part of a main dish. The ingredients are pretty simple: olive oil, garlic, onion, oregano, chicken or vegetable broth, canned whole tomatoes, salt and pepper, cheese tortellini, fresh spinach, and Parmesan cheese.



(photo courtesy of http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/)

Looks really yummy, right? (minus the hunk of bread and slab of cheese, of course)

In other news, back to Intermezzo this weekend. Intermezzo of the evil pizzas and 1/2 price therefore equally evil martinis. 

*whimper*

Ok, so obviously blogging/journaling/food tracking is not my forte. To be honest, I've been doing a pretty craptacular job of losing weight, too.

It's just hard.

It's hard to take the time to plan interesting, inexpensive, tasty, inexpensive, healthy meals. It's hard to resist the cupcakes from the specialty bakery that get brought into the office (hello, salted carmel cupcake!). It's hard to forgo the quicker, cheaper, tastier option when you're pressed for time and need to go through the drive thru.



I know I'm making excuses. I knew it was hard when I started. I've got to put on my big girl panties and just do it. I know I'm at that stage of the process where the novelty has worn off, and reality is setting in. This is when it's hardest to stick with it. It's not a habit yet, and it's getting old.
It's time to remind myself of the reasons I'm doing this...

• My health. And I'm not just saying it. The Dr at the CANCER CENTER said he would see me again if I didn't lose this weight. That is one place I never ever want to set foot in again.
• I want to do things: hiking and zip lining and sky diving. I want to see things you can't see from the passenger seat. And that's where I've been for most of my life.
• I want to do things without being ashamed. I don't want to be too big to fit in the rides at the amusement park, I don't want to be ashamed to sit next to someone on a plane and be the horror story they tell afterwards. I want to walk up the stairs at work and have to pause at the top to catch my breath so my coworkers don't notice my huffing and puffing.
• I want cute clothes, to be able to find things on sale that fit, and to not be so limited in my selections

• I don't want to be so self conscious I am constantly analyzing every look or whisper to see if they're talking about "the fat chick".
• I'm sick of people looking at what I'm eating, and judging.

So, moral of the story. I've messed up a bit - but I haven't done any major binging. I've made some healthier choices, made some decent healthy meals at home. Despite several lapses in judgement, I'm holding at 287.6.

I've done well so far today, and I'm going to take it one meal at a time, one day at a time.

Good luck to everyone else going through the same stuff I am!

Obviously, I haven't been so great about journaling what I've eaten. I sat down to write a blog post last night, and I couldn't bring myself to type the random gibberish in my mind. Not that today is much better, mind you. But here it goes anyway....

So lets start w/ last Saturday. I did pretty well till we got to Intermezzo. I had 2 martinis, split an order of garlic bread w/ my husband, and ate most of a 10" margherita pizza. I wasn't as bad as I wanted to be. I didn't order the creamy sweet martinis (although I heard the Key Lime Pie martini was outstanding. Not to mention the Mint Choc Chip). I ate most of a thin crust vegetarian pizza, and while I could have wolfed the whole thing down with no problem, I did leave 2 slices. The garlic stick was probably a bad idea, but it just smelled SO awesome, I couldn't resist.

I did my grocery shopping on Sunday, and Monday we got snowed in. I gotta say, I loved it. I lazed around the house and did basically nothing for an entire 2.5 days, and was pretty much at peace with that. I have to say, even though I did basically nothing, I don't feel like I binged all that much. We had healthy food in the house, so I ate oranges and pretzels and special K cereal. I made some pretty tasty diet friendly meals for dinner (the Chicken Tortilla soup was awesome! recipe to follow). 

By Tuesday night, I think cabin fever was beginning to set in a bit, and I was craving something cakey. I had a box of peanut butter brownie mix in the pantry that had been calling my name for some time, so I figured I'd go ahead and get it over with. The brownies were good, I ate my fill, and now they are gone.  The End.

Yesterday I had the dreaded Dr appt at the Cancer Center. Thankfully it wasn't too traumatic. Keep on the progesterone, go for another DNC (ugh!) in a few months, and hopefully I'll be pregnant by the end of the year (that last bit should strike fear in the hearts of millions).

For breakfast afterwards we stopped by Einstein Bros Bagels. I ordered the "everything" thin-bagel, with low fat cream cheese, and a fruit cup. I got the regular sized bagel - and still ate it. Should've taken it back, but I didn't.

Met my hubby for lunch later that day - had the marinated grilled chicken strips (that came over rice pilaf), the spinach with rice, and the bean  soup. Again, should have gotten it without the pilaf. But I didn't. I think the spinach w/ rice was ok, because it was mainly spinach.

Munched on some hummus and pretzels, an orange, and a FF pudding cup, and had a small bowl of Special K w/ bananas for dinner.

Today, I'm back at work and things are back to normal. Cereal and a banana for breakfast, lean cuisine sammich w/ some sunchips and a pudding cup for lunch, and I'll have a yogurt and an orange for a snack in a bit.

Dinner tonight is going old school southern...... pinto beans and collards. I'm going to forgo the cornbread - although I'd loooove to crumble it up in my beans.

Don't judge.


Now I'm trying to plan next week's menu. Here's what I've got so far:

• low fat baked macaroni and cheese w/ diced ham and a side salad
• grilled cheese w/ tomato soup
• crockpot chicken tacos
• low fat cheeseburgers w/ oven fries

So that takes care of my cheesy pasta craving, and my hubby's french fry craving.

Oh, did I mention I lost 4.5lbs? No? Silly me!

I LOST 4.5 LBS!

so, yeah - go me! Hopefully weigh in this Monday will be a reason to celebrate too!

Next up, need to start thinking rewards!

Progress Report - Are We There Yet?

Ever get that "banging your head against a brick wall" feeling?

Consumption Report 01/05/11
Breakfast: skipped (unless you count coffee)
Lunch: Turkey Wrap, Yogurt, Salsa Sunchips
Dinner: 3 eggs w/ spinach, tomato, onion, and LC cheese,  2 slices turkey bacon, 1 LF english muffin w/ 1 Tbsp butter.
Snack @ work: Orange, Apple
Snack @home: I stopped at the groc store, got some bananas, oranges, yogurt, hummus, and low fat hot chocolate and some marshmallows. My thinking was, I can eat some hummus w/ pretzels and if I'm still hungry I can have a hot chocolate w/ marshmallows. Yum!

So I sat on the couch and ate the whole freaking tub of hummus. According to my calculations at 50 cal/serving. That's 400 calories. + the pretzels.

But it gets better..... I was still in munch mode.... so I grabbed some mini chocolate chips, put them in a sandwich baggie with some mini marshmallows and ate THAT too! What the F___ is wrong with me?!?!

Now, that is probably not as bad as what I consumed previously.... the full fat cream cheese dip, the chocolate candies, etc. But still. What the bloody hell?

Is this just a psychological thing? Have I just programmed my brain to sit on the couch and eat from the time I get home till the time my husband gets home? Do I just go cold turkey on the snacks and not eat a snack period?

So that's my plan tonight. I ate my oatmeal w/ walnuts and cranberries this morning. I'm going to have my Lean Cuisine and an apple for a late lunch, and I'm going to eat my banana and yogurt right before i go home. And I am going to *attempt* to not eat a snack tonight.

Something has to work.

Wow....

looking for some exercise videos to record, I stumbled on this show on FitTV I'm Pregnant and....Morbidly Obese. The show focuses on the plights of various pregnant women..... homeless, bi-polar, hooked on methadone. And morbidly obese? Is that really as bad as being on meth?

So I was expecting something like 400+ lbs

Girl was 278 lbs. And 8 months pregnant.

That stopped me cold. That's less than I weigh! Holy crap.

I knew there were risks to me, if I were to become right now. High blood pressure, gestational diabetes, etc... what I didn't know is that there are risks to the child. It can cause insulin issues for the baby that may be carried on in life, and may cause problems during the actual delivery.

I'm just floored. I mean, I know I'm big. That's obvious.... but I've always been healthy. The problems of diabetes and cancer and high blood pressure seemed so far way. It always seemed like I can't really be that big. Not big enough to cause problems. I thought I had time.... I thought my biggest issues right now were not being able to find anything to wear in Lane Bryant.

It seems wake up calls are poppin' up all over the place.

I went to the Dr in early Dec for (guys, you may want to bow out now) irregular and heavy periods. I figured it was some hormonal thing, they'll give me some meds, and I'll be on my way. An ultrasound and a biopsy diagnosed me with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and polyps (built up areas in my uterus lining that weren't shedding) in my uterus. Surgery was scheduled to remove the polyps and I was put on Metformin.

Right before Christmas, the Dr called to tell me that when she biopsied tissue from the surgery, I also have Hyperplasia without Atypia. That's basically pre-cancerous cells. I was put on Progesterone, and have an appointment to see an Oncologist in a week.

It's not Cancer - and if I had Hyperplasia with Atypia, I'd probably have to have a hysterectomy.... but thankfully I'm not at that level yet.

Still, I don't know if I'm going to be able to have a baby. I don't know how this is going to affect my life. But I know that one of the major causes of both the PCOS and Hyperplasia are being overweight.

I'm feeling really down about everything. Like I've failed as a woman or something. My sitting on my ass and shoving crap in my face has caused me to not be able to fulfill the most basic of female functions?

Sorry, I know this is all doom and gloom, and it's not how I wanted to start the year, that's for sure. I'll snap back out of it... it just put me in a bad spot right off the bat.


So.... topic change.

I was starving when I got off work.. and had to go by the grocery store and try to figure out what to get for dinner for 3 nights for less than $20.

Would you believe I pulled it off? Now, it's no culinary master piece by any stretch - but we're eating healthy for 3 nights.

So here's what we got:
Tonight: salad w/ lettuce (as opposed to...?) roma tomatoes, cukes, and onion.  and a tuna fish sandwich (whitewheat bread, low fat mayo).

Tomorrow night: pork chops baked in a mustard sauce w/ frozen green beans and jasmine rice (ok, the rice isn't great for you - but it's already in the pantry)

Wed night: Breakfast! scrambled eggs w tomatoes and onions (and maybe some spinach if I can scrounge some up), turkey bacon, and toasted english muffin w/ Laughing Cow cheese.

Breakfast for the next few days is the Oatmeal w/ cranberries and walnuts, and lunch is turkey sandwiches wraps w/ laughing cow cheese and tomato soup.

Go me, eh? I do need to work some snacks in there, especially an after work snack. That's where I always screw up royally.

Today, in my fit of starvation, I started eating some left over beef and onion dip (cream cheese, dried beef, and green onion). I'm sure I ate a good 3-5 (ok, probably 5) tablespoons of the dip on some pretzels before sanity returned and I dumped the whole thing in the garbage. I switched to Laughing Cow cheese and pretzels, and it was good and I feel satisfied.

So, yay me, right? And now I'm sitting here blogging instead of finding something else to eat. And now I'm going to watch Iron Chef, change the kitty litter, and do some laundry. And maybe I'll at least look at one of those exercise shows I recorded. :)