Pity Party

For the past couple days, I've been feeling pretty crappy. It started Sunday, and even though it was a beautiful warm sunshiney day, I was right on the edge of  'blah'. Fortunately my hubby got me out of the house and out into the warm spring air, and I was ok most of the day.

Sunday night and Monday, I moved fully into blah-dom. No energy, no interest, no nothing. Then Monday afternoon I find out that I have been mysteriously cut from this Six Sigma greenbelt class I was supposed to start. As in, it started yesterday - and no one could be bothered to tell me I would not be participating. I had no idea it was even going on until someone mentioned someone else was in the class. As of a month ago, my name was on the list.

What gives???  This was going to add some serious brownie points to my resume!

So I sent my boss an email asking what happened, and I got completely ignored.

Freaking lovely. If for some reason I couldn't do my project this go 'round, could you not have the decency to tell me?! And when I find out, can you not have the balls to explain WTF happened???

I've been with this company for 10 yrs. I've been in this department for 5. Every review, I get told I am the backbone of the team, a major asset to the company, blah blah blah. But this is what I get? I handle projects far above my pay scale, I deal with issues that should be handled by senior staff..... but I am always passed by and over looked when the kudos and the job offers come around.

I am so sick of this. I've got to find something else.


....whew. That was much more of a rant than I was planning.

So back to the point, I've moved from merely 'blah' to full on depressed. I just want to hide under the covers with my cats and not face the outside world.

I took the day off today, because I really didn't know if I could go in and not tell someone where to stick it.

So I've moped around in my pj's for the entire day. I was calling it a "mental health day", but its really a good old fashioned Pity Party.

On a slightly more positive (and diet related) note, at least I am not feeding my face, as I would typically do during a pity party.

Last night as I was peeling out of work, my first thought was "I want ice cream". Followed quickly by "I could stop by Sonic, get some ice cream and some corn dogs"

Not too long ago, I probably would've done it.

But I stopped myself. I came home, and whether it was real hunger or emotional hunger - I wanted food. So I had a toasted sandwich thin with cucumbers, tomatoes, and hummus. An hour or so later, I was still wanting more, so I ate another of those hummus sandwiches.

My husband stopped by Wendy's on the way home, and I had a Single, no cheese and no mayo. Not the best thing for me, for sure.... but I stayed within my daily points range,

I feel like my weight may be up or about the same this week. While that sucks, I think it's because Shark Week is in full effect (which is also the likely cause for my mental status) and I've also had more sodium from processed foods than normal.

I think next week will be better.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Can I have some cheese with my whine?

I've made it through a whopping 4 days being On Point. So far it's been fairly easy - but isn't it always in the beginning?

Lately, my breakfast has been either an ww english muffin or a bagel thin w/ a Tbsp of peanut butter or some LC cheese (I love that stuff!), and a banana.

Lunch has been turkey on a ww sandwich thin w/ hummus instead of mayo, and a soup at hand. Today I had a leftover cheeseburger from dinner last night (95% lean ground beef, sandwich thin, LF american cheese) and a side salad.

Dinner is kind of all over the place - the cheeseburgers and baked fries last night, dijon chicken breasts w/ mashed potatoes and green beans before that, and chicken breasts marinated in some mexican spices w/ rice and broccoli the night before that. Tonight my husband is supposed to pick up dinner... so not sure what I'll have. But I saved a bunch of points so I wouldn't be so limited..... and

................and...................................
I've got out walking for 30 minutes for 2 nights in a row! I know! Me! Who'd a thunk it?!

Tomorrow is my weigh in day, I'm kind of nervous/excited about what the scale will show. Hopefully good things!

I've also been pretty good w/ drinking my water. Which leads me to some observations.

#1 always pee before you go anywhere. in fact, if you stand up for whatever reason, just go ahead and head to the bathroom. You may not have to go right then, but you will by the time you get there.
     1a) If you are going to be leaving to go anywhere not accessible to a bathroom, then go make double sure you go beforehand. Then wait 5 minutes and go again.

#2  Be mindful of your fiber intake. Any type of fiber one/fiber plus bars should be consumed in the latter part of the day. This is a public service announcement, and failure to do so may cause irreparable damage to your career, your psyche, and the psyche of those around you.

So, uh.... hey there. I know it's been a while............

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. Well... maybe I kinda sorta did. The diet/weight loss earth anyway. I can list all the reasons... but really, they aren't reasons. They're excuses.

I realized I can't do this by myself. I can't just make this blanket "I'm going to eat healthy and lose weight" statement and *wham* I'm losing weight. I need portion control. I need to really pay attention to what I'm doing. I need someone or something saying when I've had enough. Otherwise, I'm just spinning my wheels.

So I broke down and (re)joined Weight Watchers. It's a good program, it's recommended by Dr's, and it worked for me in the past. I let my desire for instant results get the best of me, I became apathetic and stopped counting and tracking, and that's when it stopped working.

Yep, I'm counting points again. Not my favorite thing, but it is effective. Monday was my first official day, and I will weigh in on Friday. I'm just doing it online for now, I'd like to do meetings, but the meetings/e-tools combo is just too expensive for me, and if I have to pick one,  I'd rather have instant access to all the points values and trackers.

This time around, the program is a little different. Points values are calculated based on Fat, Protein, Carbs, and Fiber. Generally, points values on foods are a bit higher - but the majority of fruits and veggies are "0" so you're free to eat those ad nauseum. To compensate, they've done some other advanced calculations involving the position of the Moon when in the house of Aries and so forth, and you have more Daily Points and more Weekly Points to spend.... so it all balances out. I'm still trying to get used to it, and trying to figure out what my "go-to" foods/meals are going to be.

Still haven't gotten around much to that dreaded "E" Word. I told myself I was going to take a walk after work today, but then ended up running by the grocery store, and then it was about dark by the time I got home, and then my sofa started calling my name...... all excuses, I know.

For now I'm going to focus on tracking and staying "On Point", The rest will come, and sooner rather than later.

On a side note, tried the new Fiber Plus flavor "Coconut Carmel Fudge". Let me just say - Y U M! It tastes kind of like a Samoa GS cookie! I mean, no it's not as good - few things this side of the Pearly Gates are, but it's pretty freakin tasty!

BTW, part of the reason I stopped blogging so much is they changed the Internet access at work, so I can't get on to a lot of my favorite blogs and sites. Bastards! How dare you make me work at work!

When I get home, I tend to not want to look at the computer as much - but I'm going to try and be better about updating.

Carla - thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to check up on me! You have no idea how much it means to me that you thought of me! 

Food tracking 01/29/11

breakfast/lunch: Jersey Mike's turkey mini sub on wheat with lettuce, tomato, onion, light mayo, vinegar, light oil, pepper relish, salt and pepper

and baked doritos (which I shared w/ the hubby)

snack later: 20 baked tortilla chips (little more than a serving) 2Tbsp low fat sour cream mixed w/ 3Tbsp salsa.

Taco Salad from Moe's: lettuce, pico de gallo, grilled tofu, cucumber, black beans, olives, onions, southwestern vinaigrette, roasted corn and tomatillo salsa.

Very good! 

and for dessert.....

Jell-O Strawberry Cheesecake Temptation.

Saw this at the grocery store, and figured I'd give it a shot. It has 140 cal a cup, but if it's gonna kill a craving for cheesecake, worth it - right?

It was pretty good, but the cheesecake was a little to "whipped" for my taste. I like a real dense cheesecake, and this was more like their mousse desserts.



I feel like this photo thing is helping me be more accountable. Although I do feel kind of like a dork for taking a picture of everything. ;) oh well!

Aside from the food/diet thing - is it me or do the weekends seem to fly by faster and faster? It's already Saturday night?! Well, technically Sunday morning... and yet the weeks seem to drag on foreeeeeeever! I haven't gotten much of anything accomplished - yet I don't feel like I've rested or relaxed at all.

Did manage to get the taxes done. Long story, but not getting back nearly what I thought, which brings up this whole other world of issues. I hate money problems. Is there anything that can make you feel more overwhelmed and out of control?

On a brighter note, finally got around to seeing Black Swan. I really liked it - but it is seriously dark and twisted! Natalie Portman lost so much weight for that role! In some scenes you can see every tendon in her neck, and it's really kind of gross looking.

 I wonder how actors do that? Do they really have so much discipline they can just add or drop weight at will?  Obviously not the profession for me! LOL

Well, good night everyone. Hope you're enjoying your weekend!

A new approach

The things I need to improve upon are too numerous to name here... but we'll just start off with a few. Namely, tracking what I eat.

Oh yeah, and that whole exercise thing.

So I'm going to skim right over the "E" word, and talk about my tracking. Or lack thereof. I know I need to keep track of what I'm eating. I really know I need to be paying attention to serving sizes.

I've gotten pretty lax in paying attention to portion control, and keeping track of what goes in my mouth. I've been focusing on trying to eat healthier options - which is all well and good. But to be honest, I don't eat the healthy option all the time, which is why I need a better understanding of portion control.

So I've decided to make my neurosis work for me. I'm going to take a picture of everything I eat. I think this will work because:

• it forces me to put the food on a plate instead of eating it straight out of the bag.
• If I put a picture of a large pepperoni pizza and a package of oreos on here, I'm going to feel like an ass. The words in black and white are bad enough - but a full color picture? It's hard to kind of gloss over that, ya know? .
• Feeling like an ass will make me think twice (or third?) about what I'm actually eating. Am I willing to show people I ate this?  

And you know what - it already worked! I would normally have gnawed on my almonds straight from the bag, and undoubtedly gone over the portion size. But instead I put 24 almonds on a napkin and took a picture.

I also took a picture of the AWESOME salad I had from Qdoba for lunch. Romaine lettuce, black bean and corn salsa, fat free picante ranch dressing, pico de gallo, tomatillo salsa, light cheese (next time I'll go cheeseless), and grilled chicken. It was really spicy - but I sucked down my entire 20oz water, so that's a good thing. At almost $7 for the salad it's a little pricey but it's really freakin good!

The downfall: Going out to eat... I hate to call attention to my eating in public as it is - what am I going to do if there are people around? Heaven forbid if we're out with friends. How am I going to explain taking a picture of my food?

Well, sometimes I just won't have a pic. I'll try to find something close online, and if it comes down to it I'll describe it the best that i can.

So here we go!

Breakfast. Whole wheat bagel, regular cream cheese (approx 3Tbsp)

This was before I knew I was photo-journaling, cut me some slack!

Awesome lunch!













and my nice healthy snack

and since I was getting the munchies again after work, I stopped and got a granola bar!
Ok, the granola bar doesn't deserve an exclamation point (not that it was bad.... but, it's a granola bar...) but the fact that I picked it over the chips, crackers, candy, and chicken nuggets that all crossed my mind certainly does!

(BTW, these things take a while to eat! My jaw muscles are sore!)














It's a long time till my hubby gets home from work (he gets off at 9, I get off at 5. Makes for a late dinner and doesn't help my after work munchiness)

so a while later I had some Baked Tostitos and Salsa

10 Baked Tostitos scoops.

For dinner I had a small chili and plain baked potato from Wendy's. I used my low fat butter (1tbsp)/sour cream (2Tbsp), and it was better than I thought it would be,



For dessert, I had a single Ferrero Rocher Chocolate Truffle. Have you had those? Little chocolate/hazelnut bites of heaven. They come in packs of 3, I only ate 1 and had my husband hide the rest. :)

and that's it for today.  Not toooo bad, right?