Pity Party

For the past couple days, I've been feeling pretty crappy. It started Sunday, and even though it was a beautiful warm sunshiney day, I was right on the edge of  'blah'. Fortunately my hubby got me out of the house and out into the warm spring air, and I was ok most of the day.

Sunday night and Monday, I moved fully into blah-dom. No energy, no interest, no nothing. Then Monday afternoon I find out that I have been mysteriously cut from this Six Sigma greenbelt class I was supposed to start. As in, it started yesterday - and no one could be bothered to tell me I would not be participating. I had no idea it was even going on until someone mentioned someone else was in the class. As of a month ago, my name was on the list.

What gives???  This was going to add some serious brownie points to my resume!

So I sent my boss an email asking what happened, and I got completely ignored.

Freaking lovely. If for some reason I couldn't do my project this go 'round, could you not have the decency to tell me?! And when I find out, can you not have the balls to explain WTF happened???

I've been with this company for 10 yrs. I've been in this department for 5. Every review, I get told I am the backbone of the team, a major asset to the company, blah blah blah. But this is what I get? I handle projects far above my pay scale, I deal with issues that should be handled by senior staff..... but I am always passed by and over looked when the kudos and the job offers come around.

I am so sick of this. I've got to find something else.


....whew. That was much more of a rant than I was planning.

So back to the point, I've moved from merely 'blah' to full on depressed. I just want to hide under the covers with my cats and not face the outside world.

I took the day off today, because I really didn't know if I could go in and not tell someone where to stick it.

So I've moped around in my pj's for the entire day. I was calling it a "mental health day", but its really a good old fashioned Pity Party.

On a slightly more positive (and diet related) note, at least I am not feeding my face, as I would typically do during a pity party.

Last night as I was peeling out of work, my first thought was "I want ice cream". Followed quickly by "I could stop by Sonic, get some ice cream and some corn dogs"

Not too long ago, I probably would've done it.

But I stopped myself. I came home, and whether it was real hunger or emotional hunger - I wanted food. So I had a toasted sandwich thin with cucumbers, tomatoes, and hummus. An hour or so later, I was still wanting more, so I ate another of those hummus sandwiches.

My husband stopped by Wendy's on the way home, and I had a Single, no cheese and no mayo. Not the best thing for me, for sure.... but I stayed within my daily points range,

I feel like my weight may be up or about the same this week. While that sucks, I think it's because Shark Week is in full effect (which is also the likely cause for my mental status) and I've also had more sodium from processed foods than normal.

I think next week will be better.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Can I have some cheese with my whine?

What would happen?

It's Lent, and it's Friday, so you know what that means.... no meat. Jamey and I have decided to get a pizza tonight. I love pizza. I'm a total guy (even though I'm not). Pizza, hot wings, beer.... I'm a happy girl.

 But I digress.....

So we're getting pizza, which is obviously not the healthiest thing. So this completely alien thought sprang to mind, ".... what would happen if I asked for light cheese?"

What would happen???

Would they think it's a crank call and hang up?

Would the Earth shift off it's axis? The poles reverse?

Would it cause a rift in the time-space continuum, unleashing hordes of alien zombies onto the planet?

It's a gamble, I'm not going to lie..... so if you see any alien zombies.............well, I'm sorry.

In other news.

This week has had it's share of ups and downs, that's for sure. Wed and Thurs I was in an amazingly crappy mood, ready to bite someones head of at the slightest provocation. That irritability of course ratcheted up my urge to stuff my face something fierce... but I'm happy to announce that not only did I make good food choices and refrain from my post work snack fests, I also made it through Happy Hour yesterday! I did have couple drinks (which I had planned for) but in order to stay on plan, it needed to be one or the other. Given my state of mind, alcohol prevailed and I decided to forgo the hot wings, tortilla chips and spinach artichoke dip.

That's a pretty big victory for me. I love hot wings (see above). They smelled soooooo good. People were all around me smacking and licking the sauce off their fingers...... it was hard, and I'm not saying I'll beat the urge every time, but I did this time. And that's what matters.

My other big win this week? Down  2 lbs! 


I think next week is Shark Week (that 'time of the month' for those not familiar w/ the term) so who knows what's going to happen. Hopefully no one gets hurt, that's all I'm saying....

Day by day, meal by meal. Have a great weekend everyone!

Even though Monday was my official start date for Weight Watchers, I picked Friday as my weigh in day for strategic reasons (meaning, bad things typically happen on the weekend and I need as much recovery time as possible). So all that being said, I had my first official weigh in today and.....
*drumroll please*

I'm down 2.8lbs!

YAAAAAAAY!

So while I'm really happy about my loss, there are actually something I'm happier about (if you can imagine that).

On Wed and Thurs, I walked after work... as in purposeful exercise.

But even THAT is not why I'm feeling so good!

The after work munchies are my downfall. I seem to have no control whatsoever. Somehow or another, be the Grace of God or my own developing willpower (I'm placing my bets on the former) I'm doing SO MUCH better with my afternoon binges.

Wed and Thurs I ate a banana when i got home from my walk - and that's ALL I had till dinner. Tonight I had a banana and a yogurt (I was really hungry). Even though I'm still hungry, I'm actually waiting till dinner (which should be very shortly) instead of mindlessly and uncontrollably eating, then having essentially a 2nd dinner.

I have struggled with this for sooooooooo long. I know I'm not out of the woods yet... it's so easy to fall back into those destructive patterns, but now I think I know I can get past it. It's so motivating, so encouraging to be in control of this!


Other than those victories, I know I've got a lot of potential for disaster this weekend.... a "Breakfast with the Pastor" on Sunday..... who knows what kind of options will be available there. Then there's the general going out to eat/business of life that happens on the weekends. And my husband and I aren't real great at telling each other "No", so if I tell him I'm dying for ice cream - we'll be at Cold Stone within the hour.

Feeling pretty good so far - glad I decided to jump back on the WW bandwagon instead of trying to go it alone!

Have a great night and a fabulous weekend!

UGH

Today I could feasibly beat someone to death with a tape dispenser. Know what I'm saying? It's Monday, it's that time of the month, the computers at work are acting up, my boss is asking me to do stupid crap... people's very breath is annoying me. There's really no shortage to the list. I don't know what has set me off..... but man, watch out!

Aside from being generally annoyed, I'm a little disappointed in myself, too. This weekend was pretty bad. I didn't feel good, and basically let that give me permission to eat whatever I wanted.

I've been pretty lax in taking pictures of what I've eaten, too. Here's a recap of the past couple days....
Wednesday:

 

Not so bad...

Not so bad. Notice 1/2 the baked potato...eh? eh??? 

Choc Milk for dessert... I was still hungry.

Thursday:

there's that other 1/2 baked potato and leftover pork chop (baked, not fried!)

bagel thin w/ RF cream cheese when I got home...

uh oh.... carry out! Spicy Thai Basil Chicken. Didn't eat it all though!

Friday (here's where we start going downhill....)

 

a bowl of chili and 3 hot wings.


and cake......

but it's made better by lowfat yogurt later, right?

Dinner Friday? Leftover chili......

Feeling like crap Friday night... lowfat hot choc, Ibuprofen PM, and a heating pad makes it all better....



Saturday:

mid-day snack, and doing ok so far...

uh oh. How did we end up at a Mexican restaurant??? Those chips! That cheese!

Did I mention the cheese??? 

Due to some issues, we ended up getting a free order of Queso. Which is EXACTLY what I needed. *sigh*

 

 *Not actually my fajitas. My fajitas had chorizo and cheese on them.

I'd talk about being proud I didn't eat all of it, but truth be told I couldn't because I had just stuffed my face w/ cheese dip. :/

Super Bowl Sunday:

 oh goody, leftover chili again....

and since it's the Super Bowl - you have to eat the appropriate food, right?

Domino's deep dish pepperoni and mushroom pizza.... (4 slices, I believe)

 and a Chocolate Lava Crunch Cake.

So, I put my sins before you.... admonish at will..........

I know ya'll are too nice. You'll tell me to get back on the wagon. And I have. I've done well today, I took a quick 10 minute walk earlier to get my head back on straight, and I plan on trying to get a little bit of the "E" word in tonight between laundry and house cleaning.

I was feeling crampy and yucky and generally sorry for myself, and I comforted myself as I knew how. I can't say it won't happen again, but I'll try to deal with it better next time.

So here's what I've had today:

Cinnamon Raisin Bagel Thin w/ Promise Spread



A bowl of Fiber One Raisin Bran Crunch + 1% milk for lunch. I'm sure it was more like 2 or 3 servings instead of 1... but it's lunch and hopefully it will keep me full for awhile.

oh yeah, and an orange. BTW. I'm getting sick of peeling oranges. I want someone to peel my oranges for me.



*Update*

I told my husband to get rid of the leftover pizza. Of course, there it sat in the fridge when I got home - waiting for me like a venomous spider.

Is it some kind of internal self -loathing that had a piece in my hand before I even knew it? It wasn't even all that good! But I kept eating it - even while I was thinking What the F@#*! am I doing?!

I threw the rest out, and in the grand scheme of things 1 piece isn't that bad.... but I'm disappointed in myself.

Evil, thy name is cheese. .......or pepperoni. Definitley one of the two.

Anyway, had a decent dinner:

Cheeseburgers and fries - with 96% lean beef, RF cheese, and oven fries. 

and a pudding cup



Food tracking 01/29/11

breakfast/lunch: Jersey Mike's turkey mini sub on wheat with lettuce, tomato, onion, light mayo, vinegar, light oil, pepper relish, salt and pepper

and baked doritos (which I shared w/ the hubby)

snack later: 20 baked tortilla chips (little more than a serving) 2Tbsp low fat sour cream mixed w/ 3Tbsp salsa.

Taco Salad from Moe's: lettuce, pico de gallo, grilled tofu, cucumber, black beans, olives, onions, southwestern vinaigrette, roasted corn and tomatillo salsa.

Very good! 

and for dessert.....

Jell-O Strawberry Cheesecake Temptation.

Saw this at the grocery store, and figured I'd give it a shot. It has 140 cal a cup, but if it's gonna kill a craving for cheesecake, worth it - right?

It was pretty good, but the cheesecake was a little to "whipped" for my taste. I like a real dense cheesecake, and this was more like their mousse desserts.



I feel like this photo thing is helping me be more accountable. Although I do feel kind of like a dork for taking a picture of everything. ;) oh well!

Aside from the food/diet thing - is it me or do the weekends seem to fly by faster and faster? It's already Saturday night?! Well, technically Sunday morning... and yet the weeks seem to drag on foreeeeeeever! I haven't gotten much of anything accomplished - yet I don't feel like I've rested or relaxed at all.

Did manage to get the taxes done. Long story, but not getting back nearly what I thought, which brings up this whole other world of issues. I hate money problems. Is there anything that can make you feel more overwhelmed and out of control?

On a brighter note, finally got around to seeing Black Swan. I really liked it - but it is seriously dark and twisted! Natalie Portman lost so much weight for that role! In some scenes you can see every tendon in her neck, and it's really kind of gross looking.

 I wonder how actors do that? Do they really have so much discipline they can just add or drop weight at will?  Obviously not the profession for me! LOL

Well, good night everyone. Hope you're enjoying your weekend!