Sunday Eats

more crap food photography! You're welcome! ;)

Oh coffee, how I love thee.



So much so I want to be able to forswear my devotion in every language.....

Breakfast: 2 pseudo eggs (eggbeaters) w/ 1 slice 2% american cheese and diced ham
1 cup grits, 1Tbsp lite buttah, and 1/2 sandwich thin toasted w/ 1tsp butter

And then I cleaned house

and then we ended up at my husband's Aunt's house, where we had Chef Boyardee "homemade" pizza - which was ok, but if I was going to eat pizza for dinner, I would have much preferred really good pizza. Ya know?

Anyway, I had 3 slices (they were pretty small)

then I came home, and was unsatisfied, and had a Jello Pudding cup. 

Which unfortunately was not the magic pudding I was hoping for, so I ended up making a big glass of chocolate milk later on.

1Tbsp cocoa powder, 2 1/2 Tbsp sugar, and a big ol' glass of 1% milk. It was really rich, really filling,

.......and really hit the spot.

And even though it's a larger serving than I should have had, I feel like I did pretty well today, so I'm totally ok with it.

 

Food tracking 01/29/11

breakfast/lunch: Jersey Mike's turkey mini sub on wheat with lettuce, tomato, onion, light mayo, vinegar, light oil, pepper relish, salt and pepper

and baked doritos (which I shared w/ the hubby)

snack later: 20 baked tortilla chips (little more than a serving) 2Tbsp low fat sour cream mixed w/ 3Tbsp salsa.

Taco Salad from Moe's: lettuce, pico de gallo, grilled tofu, cucumber, black beans, olives, onions, southwestern vinaigrette, roasted corn and tomatillo salsa.

Very good! 

and for dessert.....

Jell-O Strawberry Cheesecake Temptation.

Saw this at the grocery store, and figured I'd give it a shot. It has 140 cal a cup, but if it's gonna kill a craving for cheesecake, worth it - right?

It was pretty good, but the cheesecake was a little to "whipped" for my taste. I like a real dense cheesecake, and this was more like their mousse desserts.



I feel like this photo thing is helping me be more accountable. Although I do feel kind of like a dork for taking a picture of everything. ;) oh well!

Aside from the food/diet thing - is it me or do the weekends seem to fly by faster and faster? It's already Saturday night?! Well, technically Sunday morning... and yet the weeks seem to drag on foreeeeeeever! I haven't gotten much of anything accomplished - yet I don't feel like I've rested or relaxed at all.

Did manage to get the taxes done. Long story, but not getting back nearly what I thought, which brings up this whole other world of issues. I hate money problems. Is there anything that can make you feel more overwhelmed and out of control?

On a brighter note, finally got around to seeing Black Swan. I really liked it - but it is seriously dark and twisted! Natalie Portman lost so much weight for that role! In some scenes you can see every tendon in her neck, and it's really kind of gross looking.

 I wonder how actors do that? Do they really have so much discipline they can just add or drop weight at will?  Obviously not the profession for me! LOL

Well, good night everyone. Hope you're enjoying your weekend!

A new approach

The things I need to improve upon are too numerous to name here... but we'll just start off with a few. Namely, tracking what I eat.

Oh yeah, and that whole exercise thing.

So I'm going to skim right over the "E" word, and talk about my tracking. Or lack thereof. I know I need to keep track of what I'm eating. I really know I need to be paying attention to serving sizes.

I've gotten pretty lax in paying attention to portion control, and keeping track of what goes in my mouth. I've been focusing on trying to eat healthier options - which is all well and good. But to be honest, I don't eat the healthy option all the time, which is why I need a better understanding of portion control.

So I've decided to make my neurosis work for me. I'm going to take a picture of everything I eat. I think this will work because:

• it forces me to put the food on a plate instead of eating it straight out of the bag.
• If I put a picture of a large pepperoni pizza and a package of oreos on here, I'm going to feel like an ass. The words in black and white are bad enough - but a full color picture? It's hard to kind of gloss over that, ya know? .
• Feeling like an ass will make me think twice (or third?) about what I'm actually eating. Am I willing to show people I ate this?  

And you know what - it already worked! I would normally have gnawed on my almonds straight from the bag, and undoubtedly gone over the portion size. But instead I put 24 almonds on a napkin and took a picture.

I also took a picture of the AWESOME salad I had from Qdoba for lunch. Romaine lettuce, black bean and corn salsa, fat free picante ranch dressing, pico de gallo, tomatillo salsa, light cheese (next time I'll go cheeseless), and grilled chicken. It was really spicy - but I sucked down my entire 20oz water, so that's a good thing. At almost $7 for the salad it's a little pricey but it's really freakin good!

The downfall: Going out to eat... I hate to call attention to my eating in public as it is - what am I going to do if there are people around? Heaven forbid if we're out with friends. How am I going to explain taking a picture of my food?

Well, sometimes I just won't have a pic. I'll try to find something close online, and if it comes down to it I'll describe it the best that i can.

So here we go!

Breakfast. Whole wheat bagel, regular cream cheese (approx 3Tbsp)

This was before I knew I was photo-journaling, cut me some slack!

Awesome lunch!













and my nice healthy snack

and since I was getting the munchies again after work, I stopped and got a granola bar!
Ok, the granola bar doesn't deserve an exclamation point (not that it was bad.... but, it's a granola bar...) but the fact that I picked it over the chips, crackers, candy, and chicken nuggets that all crossed my mind certainly does!

(BTW, these things take a while to eat! My jaw muscles are sore!)














It's a long time till my hubby gets home from work (he gets off at 9, I get off at 5. Makes for a late dinner and doesn't help my after work munchiness)

so a while later I had some Baked Tostitos and Salsa

10 Baked Tostitos scoops.

For dinner I had a small chili and plain baked potato from Wendy's. I used my low fat butter (1tbsp)/sour cream (2Tbsp), and it was better than I thought it would be,



For dessert, I had a single Ferrero Rocher Chocolate Truffle. Have you had those? Little chocolate/hazelnut bites of heaven. They come in packs of 3, I only ate 1 and had my husband hide the rest. :)

and that's it for today.  Not toooo bad, right?











Cosmic Humor

As is usually the case, I was running late this morning. I didn't have anything quick to grab for breakfast. No fruit, no yogurt... nothing. (I did manage to grab a Lean Cuisine pizza and a pudding cup for lunch, thank goodness)

Of course, I get to work and I'm starving.

So I scrounge around in my desk drawer and find some blah oatmeal. At least it's warm, right? No taste at all is better than a bad taste, right?

Then, inspiration hits. I have a little bag of mulling spice that I brought to put in tea. It's got all kinds of flavors like cinnamon, cloves, cardamom, and orange. It does have some sugar in it, but I won't use much.... Perfect! I'm actually pretty stoked about my "mulled" oatmeal!

So I've got it in the microwave, and it's smelling all yummy, and my tummy is rumbly.... and someone comes into the breakroom, and I have a brief conversation..... and as I turn to check my oatmeal, I find it has erupted in a hot beige magma-like flow all over the freakin' microwave.

Fab - u - lous.

So I cleaned out the microwave in front of many an amused co-worker, and as I had no oatmeal left, I have made do w/ crap coffee for breakfast.

But the oatmeal I secretly licked off my finger tasted pretty good..... *sigh*

Speaking of beige foods, a co-worker brought in some home made hummus yesterday.... it was really good, and my love of hummus is great -so I thought it would be cool to make my own. I'd love to put some extra Kalmata Olives in, and play w/ different spices and such. The ingredient list is really simple: canned chickpeas, garlic, olive oil, tahini paste. After I finally found the tahini paste (by the peanut butter. I figured it would be with the international foods. Silly me.) It was $10 for a smallish jar! So now I'm trying to use my meager math skills to figure out if I'm actually saving anything. (Do you smell smoke?)

So, more to come on that later.

(Random aside: Dear co-worker with the 25lb bag of peanut M&M's. If I have to hear that bag rattle one more time, knowing the cruchy-chocolatey goodness it contains, I will be forced to snatch the bag from your hand and beat you mercilessly with it. XOXO)

Dinner tonight, spaghetti. Whole wheat pasta, veggies, and some lean ground beef. Nothing exciting, but cheap. Yaaaay Cheap!

However, I have found a recipe for Tortellini Soup that looks pretty yummy... and while Tortellini aren't so good for you, I think the amount of actual 'llini's you'd be getting is far less than if you had it as a part of a main dish. The ingredients are pretty simple: olive oil, garlic, onion, oregano, chicken or vegetable broth, canned whole tomatoes, salt and pepper, cheese tortellini, fresh spinach, and Parmesan cheese.



(photo courtesy of http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/)

Looks really yummy, right? (minus the hunk of bread and slab of cheese, of course)

In other news, back to Intermezzo this weekend. Intermezzo of the evil pizzas and 1/2 price therefore equally evil martinis. 

*whimper*

Ok, so obviously blogging/journaling/food tracking is not my forte. To be honest, I've been doing a pretty craptacular job of losing weight, too.

It's just hard.

It's hard to take the time to plan interesting, inexpensive, tasty, inexpensive, healthy meals. It's hard to resist the cupcakes from the specialty bakery that get brought into the office (hello, salted carmel cupcake!). It's hard to forgo the quicker, cheaper, tastier option when you're pressed for time and need to go through the drive thru.



I know I'm making excuses. I knew it was hard when I started. I've got to put on my big girl panties and just do it. I know I'm at that stage of the process where the novelty has worn off, and reality is setting in. This is when it's hardest to stick with it. It's not a habit yet, and it's getting old.
It's time to remind myself of the reasons I'm doing this...

• My health. And I'm not just saying it. The Dr at the CANCER CENTER said he would see me again if I didn't lose this weight. That is one place I never ever want to set foot in again.
• I want to do things: hiking and zip lining and sky diving. I want to see things you can't see from the passenger seat. And that's where I've been for most of my life.
• I want to do things without being ashamed. I don't want to be too big to fit in the rides at the amusement park, I don't want to be ashamed to sit next to someone on a plane and be the horror story they tell afterwards. I want to walk up the stairs at work and have to pause at the top to catch my breath so my coworkers don't notice my huffing and puffing.
• I want cute clothes, to be able to find things on sale that fit, and to not be so limited in my selections

• I don't want to be so self conscious I am constantly analyzing every look or whisper to see if they're talking about "the fat chick".
• I'm sick of people looking at what I'm eating, and judging.

So, moral of the story. I've messed up a bit - but I haven't done any major binging. I've made some healthier choices, made some decent healthy meals at home. Despite several lapses in judgement, I'm holding at 287.6.

I've done well so far today, and I'm going to take it one meal at a time, one day at a time.

Good luck to everyone else going through the same stuff I am!

Obviously, I haven't been so great about journaling what I've eaten. I sat down to write a blog post last night, and I couldn't bring myself to type the random gibberish in my mind. Not that today is much better, mind you. But here it goes anyway....

So lets start w/ last Saturday. I did pretty well till we got to Intermezzo. I had 2 martinis, split an order of garlic bread w/ my husband, and ate most of a 10" margherita pizza. I wasn't as bad as I wanted to be. I didn't order the creamy sweet martinis (although I heard the Key Lime Pie martini was outstanding. Not to mention the Mint Choc Chip). I ate most of a thin crust vegetarian pizza, and while I could have wolfed the whole thing down with no problem, I did leave 2 slices. The garlic stick was probably a bad idea, but it just smelled SO awesome, I couldn't resist.

I did my grocery shopping on Sunday, and Monday we got snowed in. I gotta say, I loved it. I lazed around the house and did basically nothing for an entire 2.5 days, and was pretty much at peace with that. I have to say, even though I did basically nothing, I don't feel like I binged all that much. We had healthy food in the house, so I ate oranges and pretzels and special K cereal. I made some pretty tasty diet friendly meals for dinner (the Chicken Tortilla soup was awesome! recipe to follow). 

By Tuesday night, I think cabin fever was beginning to set in a bit, and I was craving something cakey. I had a box of peanut butter brownie mix in the pantry that had been calling my name for some time, so I figured I'd go ahead and get it over with. The brownies were good, I ate my fill, and now they are gone.  The End.

Yesterday I had the dreaded Dr appt at the Cancer Center. Thankfully it wasn't too traumatic. Keep on the progesterone, go for another DNC (ugh!) in a few months, and hopefully I'll be pregnant by the end of the year (that last bit should strike fear in the hearts of millions).

For breakfast afterwards we stopped by Einstein Bros Bagels. I ordered the "everything" thin-bagel, with low fat cream cheese, and a fruit cup. I got the regular sized bagel - and still ate it. Should've taken it back, but I didn't.

Met my hubby for lunch later that day - had the marinated grilled chicken strips (that came over rice pilaf), the spinach with rice, and the bean  soup. Again, should have gotten it without the pilaf. But I didn't. I think the spinach w/ rice was ok, because it was mainly spinach.

Munched on some hummus and pretzels, an orange, and a FF pudding cup, and had a small bowl of Special K w/ bananas for dinner.

Today, I'm back at work and things are back to normal. Cereal and a banana for breakfast, lean cuisine sammich w/ some sunchips and a pudding cup for lunch, and I'll have a yogurt and an orange for a snack in a bit.

Dinner tonight is going old school southern...... pinto beans and collards. I'm going to forgo the cornbread - although I'd loooove to crumble it up in my beans.

Don't judge.


Now I'm trying to plan next week's menu. Here's what I've got so far:

• low fat baked macaroni and cheese w/ diced ham and a side salad
• grilled cheese w/ tomato soup
• crockpot chicken tacos
• low fat cheeseburgers w/ oven fries

So that takes care of my cheesy pasta craving, and my hubby's french fry craving.

Oh, did I mention I lost 4.5lbs? No? Silly me!

I LOST 4.5 LBS!

so, yeah - go me! Hopefully weigh in this Monday will be a reason to celebrate too!

Next up, need to start thinking rewards!

It's to early to say I've changed - but I think the process has begun!

Made it through the pizza debacle - I had 2 slices (granted, they were pretty big slices) of cheese pizza and a salad w/ FF Italian dressing. Normally I would've had at least 3 pieces, and would've gone for the pepperoni or white pizzas as well.

Challenge #2: The After Work Snack. The hot chocolate wasn't hitting on much yesterday. it was watery and bland - even with the marshmallows and coffee creamer! It's like someone waved a packet of cocoa mix around a mug of hot water. Today I was determined to turn it into a treat (without adding half a cup of chocolate chips to it.... although it did cross my mind!)

So here it is, and it is TASTY! (I realized after closer box inspection, 1 packet of cocoa is supposed to be mixed in 3/4 cup of hot water.... what's that, a teacup? So I used 2 packets to make it coffee mug size)
2pkgs 25 cal diet hot cocoa mix (50 cal)
2Tbsp lite powdered coffee creamer  (approx 50 cal)
1tsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup mini marshmallows  (40 cal)

I'm willing to spend about 150 cal on something warm, rich, and filling.
Pics below!

Ingredients:

mix everything (except marshmallows) together w/ the hot water

and top w/ the marshmallows!

Now go put on some fuzzy socks, curl up on the couch, and watch for snow!

I'm going to watch Grey's Anatomy now. (BTW, whoever invented DVR should get a Nobel Peace Prize).

Keeping my hands to myself

It's 8:07 and I've done reasonably well w/ the no snacking... I came home and made a cup of the 25 cal diet hot chocolate w/ some marshmallows. I added some lite coffee creamer to the mix to help make it a little richer. I think if it hadn't been for the marshmallows, it still would've been really watery and bleh. I think I might try one of the 60 cal packs next time. BUT - it was hot and pretty satisfying!

I did munch on some pretzels later on, but that's it! My husband should be home in a bit, and he's picking up dinner on the way. I'm having a grilled chicken sandwich and steamed veggies. I'm pretty proud of myself for not f_ing this up today!

Now lets chat about tomorrow, shall we?

We have a slight............... problem, A slight problem that is covered in cheese and pepperoni.

*le sigh*
they're bringing in pizza for everyone at work tomorrow. In a way, I'm like "Yeah! Rock On! I love Pizza!", but in another way I'm like "Shit. This sucks. I love pizza".  

So here's my master plan.

I'm going to eat a big breakfast tomorrow, then a snack around 1130. I'm going to bring a salad to eat with the pizza. And I'm planning on having 2 slices of cheese pizza (maybe some veg if possible)

If this goes sideways, and I end up cramming 3 big slices of greasy cheesy goodness in my mouth, then my plan is to do something really light for dinner. Maybe just a salad or something.

Grocery shopping tomorrow night, a busy weekend ahead, and before you know it week 1 of my diet will be behind me. Hopefully next Monday there will be a little LESS behind! (HA HA HA HA HA)

Goals

I've been thinking quite a bit about my goals for this year. I really need to set some serious, tangible goals. Not just "I want to lose weight" or "I want to eat healthier" but something I can mark, achieve, and cross off.

Since I've got a lot of weight to lose, I'm not going to set a big goal for the year. I'm going to set some mini-goals for weight loss.

Mini Goals:
Goal #1: I want to lose 8 lbs by 01/31.
Goal #2: I want to do at least 1 purposely physical thing every week... whether it be a walk, exercise video, whatever.
Goal #3: I want to try at least 1 new light recipe every week.
Goal #4: I want to blog on my progress at least 3x week.

Not bad, right? Totally doable?

My regular life goals:
Goal #1: I want to bring my lunch to work at least 3x week.
Goal #2: I want to make dinner at home at least 3x week.
Goal #3: I want to establish a weekly cleaning routine for the house.
Goal #4: I want to put $80/month into savings.


Blog Goals:
Yes, I have goals for this blog too!
Goal #1: I'd like to become involved in an active blogging community, where I can learn from other bloggers, and we can share victories and bitch about defeats together.
Goal #2: I'd like to review different cookbooks, make a conscious effort to cook a substantial number of recipes from each book and review those recipes.
Goal #3: I'd like to start illustrating great recipes step by step, so others follow them with ease, and enjoy some new and different recipes, too.

Progress Report - Are We There Yet?

Ever get that "banging your head against a brick wall" feeling?

Consumption Report 01/05/11
Breakfast: skipped (unless you count coffee)
Lunch: Turkey Wrap, Yogurt, Salsa Sunchips
Dinner: 3 eggs w/ spinach, tomato, onion, and LC cheese,  2 slices turkey bacon, 1 LF english muffin w/ 1 Tbsp butter.
Snack @ work: Orange, Apple
Snack @home: I stopped at the groc store, got some bananas, oranges, yogurt, hummus, and low fat hot chocolate and some marshmallows. My thinking was, I can eat some hummus w/ pretzels and if I'm still hungry I can have a hot chocolate w/ marshmallows. Yum!

So I sat on the couch and ate the whole freaking tub of hummus. According to my calculations at 50 cal/serving. That's 400 calories. + the pretzels.

But it gets better..... I was still in munch mode.... so I grabbed some mini chocolate chips, put them in a sandwich baggie with some mini marshmallows and ate THAT too! What the F___ is wrong with me?!?!

Now, that is probably not as bad as what I consumed previously.... the full fat cream cheese dip, the chocolate candies, etc. But still. What the bloody hell?

Is this just a psychological thing? Have I just programmed my brain to sit on the couch and eat from the time I get home till the time my husband gets home? Do I just go cold turkey on the snacks and not eat a snack period?

So that's my plan tonight. I ate my oatmeal w/ walnuts and cranberries this morning. I'm going to have my Lean Cuisine and an apple for a late lunch, and I'm going to eat my banana and yogurt right before i go home. And I am going to *attempt* to not eat a snack tonight.

Something has to work.

Progress Report - Foiled Again!

Consumption Report 1/4/11
Breakfast: Oatmeal w/ walnuts and splenda
Lunch: turkey, LC cheese, leftover salad mix on a tortilla (aka, turkey wrap) tomato soup
Snacks: LF popcorn, tablespoon of peanut butter, tortilla w/ slice of 2% cheese and salsa.... (and here we get bad) cocktail smokies in BBQ sauce, 'some' candy, and finally pretzels. :(
Dinner: pork chop, jasmine rice, green beans

Observations:
I could not eat enough yesterday! While it wasn't a disaster of epic proportions, I did make a few *ahem* unwise choices. I was having pretty gnarly cramps, cold, tired, and feeling generally crappy. The portion of my brain in charge of laziness explained to the rest of me that if I just went home I could lay on the couch w/ the heating pad and I wouldn't want to move. While I didn't really want to move, I still foraged in the fridge, where I uncovered the cocktail smokies. Nuked 'em for a few, ate a little and wasn't impressed, so I pitched it. Then I located some chocolate - a Lindt truffle, a Godiva caramel chocolate bar, a chocolate filled with Grand Marnier (not that great), and a few Danish butter cookies. Even after all that, I still wasn't satisfied! So I ate some pretzels. Like that will make up for it.

This is a classic case of eating for comfort for me. I just wanted to munch on stuff. I wanted fuzzy bunny slippers, jammies, a warm blanket, and some comfort food. If I had listened to my less lazy self, I would've stopped at the store and gotten an appropriate snack, and probably wouldn't have ransacked the fridge. Lesson Learned.

Today hasn't been as bad w/ the munchies. I didn't get around to breakfast, had the turkey wrap, salsa sunchips, and yogurt for lunch, and an orange for a snack. I'm going to eat an apple in a few minutes, and drink some more water.

Trying to plan some meals for next week... I hate this part. I looooove pasta and potatoes. Need to try some alternatives, and learn to work those in in smaller portions. Also going to give LF hot cocoa a shot... it's chocolatey, it's warm, and its comforting.

Dinner tonight is.... Breakfast! Omelet (w/ tomatoes, spinach, onions and LC cheese), turkey bacon, and english muffins.

And most importantly, snack.... what to do for snack? maybe a bowl of cereal? I'll do some reconnaissance at the grocery store.

Progress Report. Recap Day 1

Quick recap of yesterday:
Weighed in at 290.8. I hereby proclaim Monday's will be the official weigh in day (to help keep me decent on the weekends. At least that's the theory I'm going with).

• Breakfast: Oatmeal w/ walnuts, cranberries and splenda
• Lunch: Subway 6" turkey on wheat w/ veggies, light lite mayo, and red wine vinegar. And baked lays.
• Snack: Got squirrely w/ some leftover cream cheese dip, Overcame and banished the offender to the depths of the trashcan. Ate some LC cheese w/ some pretzels, and all was right with the world.
• Dinner: tuna (made w/ spicy brown mustard and low fat mayo) on light eng muffin and a big ol' salad w/ low fat balsamic vinaigrette.
• Dessert: slice of pumpkin gingerbread. Yeah, I know. It should've been purged. In my humble defense, while it is delish (and made by my own little hands) it is not something I am likely to binge on. And did is mention it's delicious?
• Aside from the brief jaunt into depression yesterday (brought on by a tv show) I consider it a victory. I started to slide, stopped it, and got back on track.

Today started out as it usually does - ignoring the alarm clock, violently throwing myself from bed to shower, tripping over the cat, and general irritation until the first cup of coffee is ingested.

Today Thus Far:
Breakfast of Champions: Oatmeal w/ walnuts and splenda. Forgot the dang cranberries. Little extra splenda, and it was still ok.

Lunch: deli turkey, LC cheese and leftover salad rolled up in a tortilla and tomato soup. I was pretty impressed w/ the turkey wrap.... and am convinced LC cheese will make anything better.

I ate breakfast kind of late - 10:30ish. and by 11:30 I was really hungry again.

Oddly enough, I've been catching up on some of my food blogs this morning (in between work type things. Can't believe these bastards want me to work on a Tuesday. Sheesh.) You wouldn't think vibrant photographs and salacious descriptions of cakes and creamy pastas would make me hungry, now would you? <insert eye rolling here> .....So I ended up eating lunch a little earlier than normal.  Which means I really need to figure out something to snack on after work till Hubby gets home and I can get started on dinner. Otherwise we'll be looking at a repeat of yesterday. :/

I'm pretty broke, so maybe if I stop and pick up a couple apples and bananas or something? I've got a crapload of pretzels at the house, too.

I'm pretty excited about dinner tonight. I'm going to broil some porkchops in a mustard sauce and serve w/ some jasmine rice and garlic green beans. Not Top Chef quality, but still a decent (and hopefully tasty) meal. I'm hoping to have a leftover porkchop to use in a wrap tomorrow for lunch. TWO-FER! Whoo Hoo!


I think I'm going to do a separate post on my plans/goals for this year... in an effort to keep things somewhat topical, or at least so I don't have to go back through so much crap if I need to.

Wow....

looking for some exercise videos to record, I stumbled on this show on FitTV I'm Pregnant and....Morbidly Obese. The show focuses on the plights of various pregnant women..... homeless, bi-polar, hooked on methadone. And morbidly obese? Is that really as bad as being on meth?

So I was expecting something like 400+ lbs

Girl was 278 lbs. And 8 months pregnant.

That stopped me cold. That's less than I weigh! Holy crap.

I knew there were risks to me, if I were to become right now. High blood pressure, gestational diabetes, etc... what I didn't know is that there are risks to the child. It can cause insulin issues for the baby that may be carried on in life, and may cause problems during the actual delivery.

I'm just floored. I mean, I know I'm big. That's obvious.... but I've always been healthy. The problems of diabetes and cancer and high blood pressure seemed so far way. It always seemed like I can't really be that big. Not big enough to cause problems. I thought I had time.... I thought my biggest issues right now were not being able to find anything to wear in Lane Bryant.

It seems wake up calls are poppin' up all over the place.

I went to the Dr in early Dec for (guys, you may want to bow out now) irregular and heavy periods. I figured it was some hormonal thing, they'll give me some meds, and I'll be on my way. An ultrasound and a biopsy diagnosed me with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and polyps (built up areas in my uterus lining that weren't shedding) in my uterus. Surgery was scheduled to remove the polyps and I was put on Metformin.

Right before Christmas, the Dr called to tell me that when she biopsied tissue from the surgery, I also have Hyperplasia without Atypia. That's basically pre-cancerous cells. I was put on Progesterone, and have an appointment to see an Oncologist in a week.

It's not Cancer - and if I had Hyperplasia with Atypia, I'd probably have to have a hysterectomy.... but thankfully I'm not at that level yet.

Still, I don't know if I'm going to be able to have a baby. I don't know how this is going to affect my life. But I know that one of the major causes of both the PCOS and Hyperplasia are being overweight.

I'm feeling really down about everything. Like I've failed as a woman or something. My sitting on my ass and shoving crap in my face has caused me to not be able to fulfill the most basic of female functions?

Sorry, I know this is all doom and gloom, and it's not how I wanted to start the year, that's for sure. I'll snap back out of it... it just put me in a bad spot right off the bat.


So.... topic change.

I was starving when I got off work.. and had to go by the grocery store and try to figure out what to get for dinner for 3 nights for less than $20.

Would you believe I pulled it off? Now, it's no culinary master piece by any stretch - but we're eating healthy for 3 nights.

So here's what we got:
Tonight: salad w/ lettuce (as opposed to...?) roma tomatoes, cukes, and onion.  and a tuna fish sandwich (whitewheat bread, low fat mayo).

Tomorrow night: pork chops baked in a mustard sauce w/ frozen green beans and jasmine rice (ok, the rice isn't great for you - but it's already in the pantry)

Wed night: Breakfast! scrambled eggs w tomatoes and onions (and maybe some spinach if I can scrounge some up), turkey bacon, and toasted english muffin w/ Laughing Cow cheese.

Breakfast for the next few days is the Oatmeal w/ cranberries and walnuts, and lunch is turkey sandwiches wraps w/ laughing cow cheese and tomato soup.

Go me, eh? I do need to work some snacks in there, especially an after work snack. That's where I always screw up royally.

Today, in my fit of starvation, I started eating some left over beef and onion dip (cream cheese, dried beef, and green onion). I'm sure I ate a good 3-5 (ok, probably 5) tablespoons of the dip on some pretzels before sanity returned and I dumped the whole thing in the garbage. I switched to Laughing Cow cheese and pretzels, and it was good and I feel satisfied.

So, yay me, right? And now I'm sitting here blogging instead of finding something else to eat. And now I'm going to watch Iron Chef, change the kitty litter, and do some laundry. And maybe I'll at least look at one of those exercise shows I recorded. :)

Here we go!

It's Monday, Jan 3rd. And I am now officially on my.... diet? (well, yeah - but it's a little more than that) ...journey? (oh Lord, now I sound like The Biggest Loser or The Bachelor or something) ... lifestyle change? (closer, but how do I say "no thanks, I'll pass on the cake. I'm on a lifestyle change!").

So we'll go w/ diet for now.

Ok, back to the point. I've done some prep work for my diet!

• Kitchen is purged of holiday leftovers (ok, mostly. All the good stuff, anyway). You should see the bag of stuff my husband has to take in to work. Fudge and cookies and candy and truffles, oh my! He should get major points w/ the guys today! I would've brought some in to my work, but I probably would've been stoned by all my super health conscious co-workers.
• A few exercise videos are recorded on the DVR. Something about boxing, some sort of pilates thing, and.... something else.
• I've also set the DVR to record The Biggest Loser - Couples. I figure where exercise fails, guilt will prevail!

Now on the the actual food consumption portion of the diet. I brought oatmeal to work today! Real, unsweetened, unflavored oatmeal. I nuked it in the microwave w/ some dried cranberries and walnuts and a couple packets of splenda. I'd like to report it was fabulous. That it cured my craving for a bagel w/ cream cheese, gave me instant energy, and awoken a greater spiritual understanding.

Unfortunately, not so much. It was just okay. Not bad. Just.... eh. The cranberries and walnuts definitely helped, but it still needed something. A pinch of salt maybe? Some cinnamon and/or nutmeg? Hungry Girl talks about adding a few tablespoons of pumpkin puree to oatmeal. It sounds pretty good, and I brought a can of pumpkin to work with me to give it a shot. Unfortunately, my can opener appears to be MIA. I'll have to report on that tomorrow.

So breakfast was warm, filling, and healthy. The taste was decent, and I think can be improved upon. We'll call that a win.

I didn't bring lunch today, which means going out. I'm thinking Subway... I can get a 6" veggie or turkey sub and some baked lays. I wish Subway offered hummus as a spread.

Dinner tonight is another challenge. Maybe a big salad?  I really need to go to the grocery store, but payday is Thursday. So it will be foraging till then.