Got an odd sense of deja vu here.... end of December and I'm swearing mightily this will be my year - I will lose weight! I will budget my money! I will stop rolling my eyes in the face of stupidity!

I'm 0-3 on the resolutions.

So here we go again. I'm going to lose weight, I'm going to budget my money, I'm going to *try* and tone down the temper...

This year, it's a little different (well, not so much the temper... that's just one of those personal goals). I've got to start being better with my money, because I'm a homeowner now. Woo Hoo! Yippee! ....wait. What? I've got a mortgage?! I've got to deal w/ household repairs like busted pipes and AC units being on the fritz? Holy @$#%!

So yeah, got to be better w/ the cashola.

... and I've got to lose weight. Got to. G.O.T.  T.O.  I've been having some female issues, and finally went to a different Dr. A biopsy and a surgery later, I've been diagnosed w/ Complex Hyperplasia without Atypia. That's basically precancerous cells in my uterus. Not cool, man. Not cool. Especially since my husband and I are wanting to get pregnant.

I've got an appointment Jan 13th to go see an Oncologist. Yeah - a Cancer Dr. At a Cancer Center. I'm freaking out on the inside. I've had way to many relatives (including my mom) die from the Big C. It's not a pretty sight.

I keep telling myself it's not Cancer yet. It's treatable from hormones (Progesterone). You'll be fine. You're still young. You'll have kids. But there is a corner of my mind saying it's only a matter of time. I keep that part on lock-down for the most part... but every once in a while it gets out and screws w/ my brain.

Obesity apparently increases your chances of this issue, something about fat cells and Estrogen. Not to mention the possible complications of being pregnant and obese. High blood pressure, diabetes... lack of maternity clothes.

So yeah, I'm going to be dropping some weight in 2011. It's so weird/scary to be dealing w/ health issues. I've always been big (granted, never this big) - but I've always been healthy. Rarely get sick, never even had a broken bone. It sounds so cliche to talk about taking your health for granted.... but whoa, what a splash of cold reality!

I'm hoping this health scare is the push I've needed to get my ass in gear. Maybe it's God's less obvious version of a lightning bolt.

I know it's going to be hard. I know I'm going to screw up. I know there's going to be good days and bad days - even good weeks and bad weeks. But I've really got to do this.

So, Happy New Year to all you folks out there. Good luck w/ your resolutions and I hope you reach your goals!